Listening for the Voice of Vocation

I preached this sermon for the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of the Outer Banks on January 26, 2014.  My two texts were the story "The Woodcarver" from The Way of Chuang Tzu and the first four minutes or so of the TEDx Talk "Hackschooling Makes Me Happy" by Logan LaPlante.

So I have spent a great deal of my life reflecting on vocation.  In college and beyond I began a life-long wrestling with the question “What is my vocation; what is it I am called to do?”  Now given that I have spent the majority of my career working for congregations or other faith based organizations, that I have attended three different seminaries (that is a story for another day) this probably doesn’t come as a surprise to you.
After all isn’t vocation limited to those who are called into ministry?  When most people hear the word vocation or calling, they associate it with a religious vocation or calling – so being called into ministry and they associate it with a career.  This is fed by the language of our congregations. We speak of calling a minister (not hiring a minister).  Ministers say “I was called to the work” or “this congregation called me.”  So the language of our faith communities also underscores this notion of vocation being limited to those with a specific call to working in the world of religion and faith.

Yet as a young person growing up Roman Catholic, in a post-Vatican II church, the notion of vocation, the notion of calling was broader.  We talked about all people having a vocation, having a purpose to their life.  The notion that God called you to particular careers and ways of life and that was not just limited to the nuns and priests.  That left a deep impression on me and like I said I have spent a great deal of my life wrestling with the question “What am I called to do.”

Parker Palmer, Quaker, activist, educator, and author also wants to expand our notion of vocation.  For Palmer vocation is not limited to a religious calling and is really about discovering one’s authentic self, and living an authentic life.

My favorite Parker Palmer book is Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation and in this book Palmer explores what he has learned about vocation.

So let’s begin with the root of the word itself – vocation comes from the Latin word “vocare” which means “to call” and vox which means voice.  Now let’s take it deeper and see how Palmer defines vocation:  “Vocation does not mean a goal that I pursue.  It means a calling that I hear.  Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am.  I must listen for the truths and values at the heart of my own identity, not the standards by which I must live—but the standards by which I cannot help but live if I am living my own life.”

At the heart of vocation is not what job or career one pursues, it is not an external voice, it is not limited to religion; the heart of vocation is living life, the whole life as one’s authentic self.  So while it may be that the values and one’s own identity will draw a person to one career rather than another, that is only one part of vocation, it is really about living authentically in all areas of one’s life.  Which means that if vocation is about living one’s authentic self, which must listened for and discovered, than there is no one moment alone that we say “this is my vocation” – this thing I do, this career, this job.  It is always evolving.  We are always being called and that means that what might be true for us at one stage of our life will not be true at another.  It is really about being and not as much about doing.

The hardest things I have wrestled with in terms of vocation have often been limited to what type of job or career I should pursue and the feeling that I had to get it right.  Or maybe as Logan pointed out I was answering question of What Do I Want to Be with What Do I want to Do. All too often what we are is answered by what we do.  As I was reflecting on this sermon and what I wanted to say, I finally realized that vocation is not about the job or career, although that is part of it, rather vocation is the way I bring my authentic self to all of my life – so that means how I interact in all areas – in my marriage, as a parent, as a friend, community member – all of me.  So when I think about what is my vocation, I realize that if I had to sum it up in just one word it would be teacher.  It is about a state of being – not what I am doing.  Whatever it is I am doing at any particular moment is really about being a teacher – seeking to understand, to create understanding.  This may make clear my affection for Parker Palmer for he too is a teacher, an educator.  Whether he is writing, speaking, or in fact teaching, he is a teacher.  Not always standing in front of the classroom as teacher but rather his particular gift is to teach.  What keeps unfolding is the ways he is called to live that gift in the world.

In my work as minister, I am a teacher.  I have told both the Board and the Program Committee this already. I am an educator so one of my first inquiries to both groups has been if they would be willing to do some learning together.  I am grateful that both are open to this idea.  Not completely surprising in our Unitarian Universalist context since as a group we highly value learning and education.  I am guessing that if I asked the room, there would be a number of teachers here – even if they have never taught in a classroom.
As a preacher, I am always trying to teach although not just facts or figures, not just heady learning but hopefully embodied learning. Learning that touches the heart as well as the head; learning that leaves the listener thinking and feeling. As a parent, my strongest and best moments are when I am teaching my daughter – cooking, baking, making my great-grandmother’s fudge which she passed directly on to me, sharing a book, going to a museum or historical site as a family where we learn together. In my life, I bring the gift of teaching and learning to all the aspects of my life – work, marriage, parenting, friendship, and community.

Recently it was finally made clear to me that one could still be true to one’s vocation, one’s authentic life regardless of one’s career through two articles that crossed my computer.  The first article was a piece written by a woman who finally had to set aside her dream of getting a PhD in literature and becoming a faculty member at a college or university.  In the article she had delayed her studies to pursue other things including marriage and a family and then she dived in and applied to a PhD program, got accepted along with a generous scholarship. It seemed her delayed dream, her delayed vocation was finally manifesting.  Yet she turned it down; not without sorrow or loss but in listening to all of her life she realized that this particular dream was not meant to be.  As our Woodcarver said, without the tree there would have been no bell stand – in this case the tree she needed was not found.  Hopefully she will find a way for this dream to manifest in new and unexpected ways.  Yet in the end she gave up the job of her dreams in order to pursue the life she had created.

The other article was a critique of the “do what you love” philosophy.  The critique was that it denigrates work. The whole notion of doing what you love means that work never feels like work.  The point of the article hit home for me.  As an educated person from an economically privileged background, I have had the luxury of choosing work that I love, in fact I was raised with the expectation that I would have work that I love and that would support me.  I have options because of my education, my skill, my networks and connections.  To say that everyone should do what they love is to denigrate those who don’t have the kinds of options that I have. When we say that low-wage service jobs are for high school and college students working their way to a better job; we deny the reality that many of those working in those jobs are not in their teens or young adult years, they rely on that job to make a living, to make life and to raise a family.  For most I would guess it is far from their dreams, far from what they love and in fact given the low status of these jobs in our culture, they are constantly reminded just how under and unvalued their work is. Of course, it could also be that some of those who are working in these jobs are also leaning into their ‘call’ but I acknowledge for myself and I sure for others … that we sometimes have a hard imagining  jobs that we would not particularly being something that one enjoys.

I made the mistake of reading the comments on one of these articles about the minimum wage and low paying jobs.  Over and over there was this judgment that if you are low-wage one should not be a parent, that no one is meant to stay in those jobs and to just go get the training to do something better – therefore no need for the minimum wage to be a living wage.  Yet who will work in the service sector, sanitation services, grow and pick the crops if all those people are only meant to have those jobs until they find “what they love and do that.”

Vocation is not about one’s job, vocation is listening to one’s true, authentic self, it is about listening beyond the “you should be this” or “this is what this type of person is or does” or everyone in our family has done X and you will carry it on.  Vocation should not be limited to those with education or privilege – every person should be able to live an authentic life.  That means one can pursue a job that is not what they love, what they dream to do and still live their vocation.  If each of us can learn to bring our authentic selves to whatever we do, then we are living our vocation – we are letting our lives speak.  Vocation is what the young Logan LaPlante is speaking of. It is about living in a way that creates health and happiness. None of the eight things that are said to create happiness involve having work that one loves – yet they all involve connecting with oneself, with others and the world.

Yet how do we learn to listen to our lives and let them speak?  For me it has involved lots of reading, time in silence, prayer, meditation.  It has also involved failure and hearing no.  In Palmer’s book one of the chapter’s is called “When the Way Closes.”  In this chapter Palmer recounts the story of going to talk to an older Quaker woman about his concern that he had still not found his right career vocation.  There is a Quaker expression that says “a way will open” and Palmer was hearing over and over again that “a way will open” yet nothing seemed to be happening.  I can deeply relate to this particular story – there is nothing like job hunting to make one impatient to have a way open!  The woman said to him, “I am a birthright Friend and in sixty-plus years of living, way has never opened in front of me. But a lot of way has closed behind me, and that’s had the same guiding effect.”  Ah yes the way closing gives valuable and painful lessons.  Over the course of my life, not just recently, the way has often been revealed by what closed.  Letting your life speak, listening for the voice of your life, is not always easy and it is not pain-free.

So what about communities? Do communities have a vocation?  I would say yes.  In communities there are many different people, with different vocations, different needs and yet vocation is found in purpose, in mission.  Even within similar communities – like the 1,100 plus Unitarian Universalist congregations in our Association each will have a unique vocation – a unique voice to offer both within their own geographic communities and within our association.  Each will bring their own gifts and strengths.  Each will learn through ways closing.  There will be struggle. There will be joy. Yet each one’s journey is unique and each one will live out the message of Unitarian Universalism in a unique way.  Each one’s vocation will evolve and change over its history.

So what is the vocation of the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of the Outer Banks?  What is your unique voice here in the Outer Banks of North Carolina?  What gifts can you bring to this community?  What is it they need, that you have, that is unique, that is your place?  Who are your partners in the work?  What is your place, your unique place among other UU congregations?  What can you bring to our Association of Congregations?  Who are you as a congregation called to be?  Over the course of our time together, we will be exploring these questions.  When you understand your vocation, your unique way of being then the search for finding a minister to call, one whose own calling fits with yours will move forward

Whether for an individual or a community, the work of letting your life speak, the work of vocation is, at its heart, about bringing the uniqueness of you, of the group, to the world.  Another way to say it comes from Frederick Buechner “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” It is, in the words of Logan LaPlante, about discovering what it takes for you to live a happy, healthy life!

Blessed Be!
May it be So!

For the 4th Aniversary of this Blog: A Few of My Favorite Things!

So last week we got snow in Williamsburg and I had laundry to sort so I started watching the TED talks that I have been meaning to watch.  It gave me the idea that I could share some of my favorite talks with you.  It would be lovely if you all would share some of your favorites in the comments!

I love TED talks for the sheer variety and diversity.  I always come away feeling like I have learned something or that I am thinking about something in a new way! Also they are short - no longer than twenty minutes so really I should not have to wait until there is snow to watch one or two!

Since we here in the south are really snowed in it is the perfect chance to check out TED.

So here are a few that I recently watched and want to share with you:

This one is just cool!  May have to see about checking this out the next time we are in Washington DC

Ryan Hollday: To hear this music you have to be there literally

This is such an important message!  I wish every person would listen to this particularly parents, doctors and school health educators! As someone who has struggled with weight all her life, who was put on a 1000 calorie a day diet at 13 and who has been fat-shamed all of her life, I wish I knew this years ago.  Now I am focus on my health - eating mindfully, exercise, tuning into my body and taking care of body and soul! Let's focus on teaching our kids to be healthy - not a BMI number or number on a scale!  As you can see, I have some strong feelings about this!

Sandra Aamodt: Why dieting usually doesn't work

This makes me want to read Sheryl Sandberg's book Leaning In even more.  While I know there is controversy about the book in terms of its applicability across class lines, I am impressed how the book and the work of her foundation are crossing international borders. I just watched the most recent one - I need to go back and watch her original talk!

Sheryl Sandberg: We leaned in...now what?

Sheryl Sandberg: Why we have too few women leaders

Finally I watched this one.  Powerful piece from a COO about business being about more than profits.

Harish Manwani: Profit's not always the point

This is just so cool! The idea of adding time to Google Earth!

Frederick Kaplan: How to build an information time machine

And here are two on the positive impact of video games.  So if you are a parent worried about your children playing video games - watch these and feel better!

Jane McGonigal: The game that can give you 10 extra years of life

Jane McGonigal: Gaming can make a better world

Here are some that are very popular and also on my favorites list!

Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability

Ken Robinson: How Schools Kill Creativity

Susan Cain: The power of introverts

Here are some I need to check out!  I have these bookmarked on my TED app so I can find them.

Shereen El Feki: A little-told tale of sex and sensuality

Paul Piff: Does money make you mean?

Suzanne Talhouk: Don't kill your language

In addition to TED here are a few of my favorite sources for news about religion and spirituality.  I share frequently from these sites on my Facebook Page, Twitter and Google+  Yes I now have a Google+ page - please come like it if you are a Google+ user.

Religion Dispatches

Huffington Post Religion

Rachel Held Evans

On Being Both

DMergent

So what do you like to read and watch?  What inspires you?  Let me know in comments!  

I am always looking for new things.

Dear Church, a Response to Unappreciated Pastor

Happy 2014!  I hope your New Year is off to a wonderful start.  I have begun my new position as the Consulting Minister at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of the Outer Banks.  I have also had the privilege to be guest preaching at the UU Fellowship of the Rappahanock in White Stone, VA and the Brockridge Unitarian Universalist Congregation in Lexington, VA. So January has been busy and it is time to get back to weekly blogging.  My goal is to post a new blog post each Monday morning. So let's get started!

Recently I came across this article on Huffington Post Religion, Hello, My Name Is Church | The Unappreciated Pastor.  The article prompted a great deal of mixed feelings for me.  So I sat with it for awhile.  I think the author makes a number of important points particularly that the church is imperfect and filled with imperfect people.  On the other hand, I was not convinced as to why one should come back particularly since the only thing the author had to offer is that we welcome everyone even those that even those who exhibit behaviors that might cause other people to stay away.  At the heart of the matter as I see it is whether the church is willing to transform, is it willing to change to be the church that is needed today or will the church remain attached to its past and its institution at the expense of the people.  So here is my response.

Dear Church,

It may seem strange that I, a seminary training, religious leader who has her own blog reflecting on issues of faith and spirituality, would write this response to you.  I have served congregations within the Episcopal church, Presbyterian Church and Unitarian Universalist congregations.  I am an openly queer religious leader and I deeply appreciate your apology.  Yet some things also really bothered me so I wanted to take some time to write back. I have a few questions.

So first, thank you for the apology.  As a member and leader I have found churches to be all the things you listed.  Particularly in the unwelcoming, overly self-righteous category leaving me to wonder if anyone cared whether I came back or not. If I have had that happen to me imagine those less savvy about faith communities, imagine someone who wasn't raised in a faith community, or was trying a new one, trying to find a place to belong.  I am someone who is committed, went to committee meetings, sought out getting involved, really wanted it to work.  No wonder those who were just checking it out, were there for the first time, were queer and were there the day someone launched a tirade about the evil of homosexuality or my personal favorite "We love the sinner and hate the sin."  My other favorite from the progressive congregations is the "We can't split the church." First, our history tells us that churches can and have survived splits if it came to that and, secondly, isn't doing the right thing and 'loving the least of these' more important than institutional cohesion? Then there are those that checked out your website, worked up the courage to come to worship, liked it, attended the newcomer class, maybe even tried to join a group and then vanished. No one called, no one asked.  They were busy being polite, not wanting to bother anyone.

So my first question is what are you doing to make it better? What are you doing to make it easier for the new person to meet people and get involved?  Are your membership people following up? Is anyone following up to the people who just stop showing up?  Are people being invited/encouraged to stop being so judgmental about others and focusing on loving one another?  On following the life of Jesus, a life lived loving, healing and serving others?  Or is their Jesus one of judgement, seeking only to condemn?

You claim to welcome all but what about the queer? the low income earner? the undocumented immigrant? the person new to religious community?  Will I really be welcome or are those just the words you say?  Will I be welcome if I have been to prison?  Will I be welcome if I work at WalMart?  What if I don't have a college degree?  high school diploma?  What if I can't read?  What if I am just learning English?  What if I am a single parent?  a teen mom?  overweight?  anorexic?  being abused by my spouse?  am mentally ill? I am disabled, can I even get into or around your space?

You see all those people have tried church and found themselves turned away.  Found themselves judged. Found themselves seeking so desperately to be seen, to be truly deeply seen as the child of the holy that they are but instead they were told to pray. Told to pray instead of being embraced or given assistance to shore up the broken places or told that God would not want them to leave their abusive spouse, that they were suffering like Jesus suffered ... NO!  Jesus suffered at the hands of an unjust state and it was a result of his radical inclusive love - not putting up with being hit and abused for the sake of being abused.  There are those that are told that WalMart is evil and we shouldn't shop there let alone work there ... how is that welcoming to the person who depends on their WalMart job to make ends meet?  Maybe they received the usual uncomfortable look and ending of the conversation if admitting they are bi-polar or schizophrenic. What are you doing to make sure that when the people who most need the ministry and healing of faith community only find more pain, more hurt and more judgement in your midst? What is different about you then any other place in their life? Has 'sanctuary' come to mean only a place for the performance of worship rather a haven for those being knocked about by life?

Are you doing anything to reign in those with disruptive behavior?  Anything about the person who insists on expressing their views about the evils of sex, teen pregnancy, LGBTQ people, undocumented immigrants, the poor loudly and at every opportunity?  Those that allow no room for doubt, no room for questions, who insist that things must function to make them comfortable even when it makes others unsafe.

Maybe I am young, a youth or young adult.  Will I hear again that I will be a great member some day? There is always the classic, we have a children and youth program in the other building and you can go over there ... is there a place for children and youth to be seen and heard within your walls?  You do not create leadership in our youth just by allowing them to serve at the pancake breakfast.  Will I hear more about how ungrateful, irresponsible and down right awful my generation is?  Will I hear again, "Oh we tried that once it didn't work" or "This is the way we have always done it"?  Or perhaps, you allow our young adults to take leadership of a project and only to be told that they have to do it the way the last person did it - don't make any changes.

I guess my big question is Church are you willing to change?  Are you willing to let your committee meetings, institutional structures, those horrible hymns, that boring, put me to sleep worship service die so that something else may be born?  Will you listen to me?  Will my ideas and thoughts be welcome?

See Jesus was not killed so we could all worship in the same room. Jesus was killed because he defied and threatened the Roman empire and those religious authorities that cooperated with them out of fear, for greed, for love of power (remember the money changers in the Temple). Jesus did not die to create a new institution.  He died because he lived his life poured out for those who were not welcome anywhere in society - the poor, the sick, the widow, the orphan, the stranger, the adulterer, the tax collector.  Hmmm...seems not much has changed.  The institution you view as so superior to the Jewish communities is still not welcoming to all the same people that the rich and powerful have always wanted excluded. For it was not the Jews who killed Jesus.  It was the Romans who killed him. The Jewish people were and still are an oppressed people.  A people living under threat of violence.  By the time Paul wrote that, the Temple had been destroyed. The center of Jewish life destroyed by the same people who killed Jesus - The Roman Empire.

So I am wondering Church, why do you need me?  Why do you want me?  Again are you willing to change?  Are you willing to listen?  Are you willing to reign in those disruptive people?  Can you give up the ways things have been to make way for what is needed in a new age, a new era, a new generation?

This is what I am looking for:
I want to be seen in my wholeness
I want to be welcomed
I want opportunities to serve and develop leadership
I want to explore faith deeply - I don't need you to have all the answers
I want my doubt to be welcomed

Are you sure you want me?

Sincerely,
a queer, spiritual leader, seeking to see what new things the Holy is doing in the world

2013: An End of the Year Reflection

So I have blogged more in 2013 than any year since I began in 2010.  I created a much more disciplined practice of posting at least once a week.  As I look over my posts for 2013 I shared a great deal of my spiritual and vocational journey here.  Not shocking that those two labels were the most common.  Since I left my position at the congregation in March I have been seeking and living into what is next for me.

As I start 2014 I begin two new adventures.  I will be serving as the Consulting Minister for the UU Congregation of the Outer Banks and I will be an Adjunct Instructor for the Prince William Sound Community College.  Finally after months of seeking I have two new part time positions that I am excited about.  I will get the chance to stretch my congregationally based ministry skills at UUCOB and my teaching skills teaching Religion and Popular Culture.  In a good way it is both exciting and terrifying. I know that both positions will be pushing me further out of comfort zone while also honing skills I have mastered.

In an interesting way though the search continues.  Both jobs are part-time and time-limited so discernment will continue. I think this is the way we will all have to be thinking about our careers, that we must always be in discernment about whether it continues to be a good fit and if a particular job ends, where will we look for what is next. It is an interesting balance to both deep dive into what is right here, right now while noticing what is on the horizon with the hope that past, present and future will somehow meld into opportunities as yet unseen.

I continue to be inspired by Parker Palmer.  In particular I continue to learn to listen to both where the path opens and where it closes.  It was clear that a path that opened to a new full time job with one organization was closed at least for now and that a path to a more entrepreneurial, portfolio career of putting many part time things together opened.    I am blessed that the part-time opportunities that opened for me were in my field, will stretch me, and replace my take-home pay from my previous full time position.  For so many others, far too many, are forced to put together part-time jobs far from their dreams and from the income they need to survive.

This year has been challenging on so many levels.  There was a great deal of grief from leaving my former position.  There has been the feeling of being lost and searching and not finding much.  There has been financial scarcity and the accompanying stress and fear.  There have been far too many dark nights and I am grateful for the friends who listened and loved me, my spouse and daughter who loved me through them and the help of medication that pulled me out of the darkest corners.  There has also been deep joy.  I have met so many interesting people this year through my networking. I have discovered organizations doing amazing work.  I have developed a deeper love of writing and posting to this blog.  I had the privilege to work with Dave Kaiser, who is an amazing coach!  I had the opportunity to participate in the Choice Center Discovery and Breakthrough weekends where I met 50+ amazing souls, was pushed way outside my comfort zone and found ways to conquer my fear.  I am closer to my sister and her family. I have longed to have a closer relationship with her and it is developing.  I also have been reaching out to my niece who like my daughter is an amazing young woman.  I have been the recipient of amazing generosity from both expected and unexpected places.

So as much as on one level I am ready to kick 2013 out the door, on the other I want to honor the many gifts and blessings of this year.  It was not all bad and it was not all good.  I have been changed profoundly by the events of this year.

My hopes as I go into 2014 is that I find balance and abundance.  That I push myself to read more, learn more, to feed my creative side even more through drawing, through writing.  I want to keep writing and maybe even attempt a book.   Maybe 2014 is the year I actually do the NaNo write. That the new professional opportunities that I am beginning will be fruitful, both for those I will be serving and for me. That as I embark on these new ministries, my professional life will blossom leading to greater and even deeper ministry. My deepest hope for 2014 is for abundance. Yes abundance on a material level, but also spiritual and emotional abundance.  I want to have a deep, full well from which to give and serve others.  My hope for this blog is that it will continue to spread.  That more of you will interact and comment, make suggestions, offer your feedback, share my posts (hint, hint).  Oh, and I certainly look forward to quite a few walks on the beaches in the beautiful Outer Banks of North Carolina. May you find your own slice of beauty in 2014.

What are your thoughts as we close out 2013?  What were its gifts?  What about challenges? 

 What are your deep hopes for the start of this new year 2014?

May you bring forward the very best of 2013 into the new year and 

may your New Year be filled with the deepest of blessings!

See you next year!

Religious and Spiritual Humility

Earlier this year I read this article on When White People Don't Know They're Being White.  The author is a white Christian and she talks about the importance of cultural humility rather than cultural competency. It is a place where people can make mistakes and keep learning.  As I was reflecting on the article, I thought about the need for humility in so many areas of life, but in particular I wanted to talk about Religious and Spiritual humility.

As I read the news, particularly the latest about the Duck Dynasty star's racist and homophobic comments, that seem to boil down to a lack of humility about one's faith and belief.  There seems to be this understanding that in order for my faith, my beliefs to be right, everyone's faith and belief must be like mine. For if I were to allow for the possibility that other faiths, other religions, other cultures, have wisdom, beauty and truth, then mine might be wrong, I might be wrong.  We seem to need to be right, more than we need to be in relationship with one another.

And this is not just a fault of the conservative right, they just seem to have a very noisy voice in our public square.  Yet I have found this same arrogance, this same lack of humility in the liberal religious, spiritual circles that I inhabit.  I have heard and cringed at the comments that express how much more enlightened, welcoming, justice seeking we are than our conservative counterpoints.  Some atheists have claimed reason as their own, dismissing all people of faith and their belief in a force beyond ourselves as unreasonable and bound to believing in six impossible things before breakfast.  I have read articles like this one, that no part of science is based on any kind of faith and that to be a person of science and faith is an anathema.

Some express this arrogance as a desire to reduce all the religion and spirituality down to some simple truths like the Golden Rule.  Yet part of the beauty of the diversity of the world's religions and spiritualities is that they are in fact different. I do think that finding commonalities is an important piece of building tolerance and understanding, yet it is only a first step. This distilling down of diversity to a few simple universal truths, allows me to stay comfortably where I am and not be deeply challenged.  While it may produce a certain level of tolerance on my part, it will never generate deep respect, nor understanding and it is far from love. Spiritual humility calls upon us to accept that we may not have all the answers, that we might be wrong.

In Unitarian Universalist circles, I see two ways this religious arrogance operates.  The first is in the how much more enlightened we are then those in other religions, particularly Christianity. There is still far too much "anything but Christian" among us even as acceptance of theism, the language of reverence and an embrace of ritual has become common in our communities.  Secondly, it is this notion that because in our six sources we embrace the truth of the world's religions, that somehow we are uniquely and best suited to lead interfaith/multi-faith work.  Again, it is not enough to just assume all religions boil down to the same universal truth and just because we embrace all these perspectives does not mean that we are fluent in them all.  Also affirming that there is wisdom and truth to be found in the world's religions does not give us the right to decide to appropriate rituals and holidays of particular religions for our own uses, or that somehow we can bring a reasoned faith to lead multi-faith efforts.

Now this is not to say that UUs cannot do multi-faith work - many UUs do such work every day.  The work they do is grounded and powerful.  Yet anyone who has ever engaged in multi-faith work knows it requires deep humility.  It requires that first I understand myself and my own faith. I have to first know deeply who I am and who I belong to as a person of faith and then I have to listen deeply.  It is humble work. We have to acknowledge that despite our embrace of the world's religions, there is no way we can be deeply competent in the faith, beliefs, practices and customs of all those religions.  We must begin with "we don't know."  From this unknowing, can be the beginning of deep wisdom, deep respect and deep love. When I can accept that openness to other traditions does not equal knowledge or experience of that tradition, then I can begin to walk with another in the work of discovering our unique journeys and traditions ... that requires humility.

Being humble doesn't mean that I have to minimize or reject my own faith, my own sense of the holy, what I know or who I am or that I lack conviction.  Rather humility means that I say "I don't know it all" and that my experience is not everyone's experience. It is really letting go of the need to be right. It is being able to allow for the possibility that another perspective, another faith, another person might also have access to the holy, to beauty, to truth. In the multi-faith work that I continue to do, I am always struck by how much deeper my own faith becomes when I really listen to another's experience of their own faith without trying to translate it into my own experience or immediately dismiss their experience. It is certainly important to acknowledge where our faith leads us to different conclusions, different values but if we do so with humility then perhaps we can stop becoming such threats to each other and find the holy between us.

Spiritual and religious humility, one might say any humility, is sadly lacking. In our need to have good and bad, right and wrong, we seem not be able to hold paradox, to hold that there may be more than one way, more than one good, more than one truth.  Maybe at this point, nature has something to show us, just as we turn the corner to the return of the sun, of more light and the promise of spring and summer, winter begins here in the northern hemisphere.  A deep paradox holds, just as the days begin ever so slowly to get longer, we will experience the cold of winter (well theoretically anyway as I sit writing this in 70+ degree weather). Spring and summer will still feel a long way off as we deal with rain and snow, layers of clothing to stay warm - coats, scarves and gloves.  Yet nature tells us that slowly but surely spring is making its way here. Slowly the sun will come to warm the air.  As we embrace the practice of spiritual humility, let's embrace the paradox of knowing and holding to our own sense of faith, our own experience of the holy while making room for others to hold different beliefs, different experiences.  May we open ourselves to seeking not to know but to understand, respect and love those differences.  May we embrace our unknowingness and learn to live easily with it.

May you and those you hold dear experience blessing during this rich season of holidays!  Blessed Be!

Importance of Gifts

I want you to think of a gift that you have received. This gift should be a material item that someone picked out and purchased for you.  It could have been to mark a birthday or other holiday.  Not an engagement ring - that is different.  This is a gift, you know, with wrapping and everything.  Make it one of the best gifts you have ever received.  Were you a child?  Youth?  Adult?  Who gave it to you?  Why is this gift one of the best you have ever received?

Don't worry I'll still be here once you have that gift in mind.

Okay, now hold onto that feeling and that gift as you read the rest of this.  My spouse, Donna, is one of the best gift-givers I know.  She just has this way of really listening and paying attention to what people around her would like.  Over our nineteen years together she has given me a number of amazing gifts. Some have been practical, like the perfect sweater.  Some have been utterly frivolous like a dozen flowers or earrings that she knew I really wanted.  She buys me the best earrings...not too heavy, perfect colors, just what I like.

This is a tremendous gift and one unfortunately that I don't possess in nearly the quantity I wish I did.  I have had some outstanding moments like when I found the Beatles Rock Band guitar at a price we could afford or the fountain pen I bought her at a time when we had more income.

This time of year, maybe more than any other, shopping and gifts are all around us whether or not we are Christian and whether or not we celebrate Christmas.  Sometimes even those choose not to celebrate are forced into compulsory gift giving - like at their child's school or the office.  I think this is why so many hate the emphasis on shopping and buying this season. For some, gift giving is no longer a freely given expression from the heart but rather an expectation.

There is another phenomenon I have come up against in the last few years particularly in Unitarian Universalist and other progressive circles. It is this disdain of gift giving.  I have sat in a room with people that have said "well we are not exchanging gifts this year and I am so glad.  There is nothing we need."  They say this oblivious to the obvious privilege that statement expresses.  There is nothing I need.  In a world filled with people, most of whom are hidden from sight, that live with less than what they need every day it is only from a place of enormous privilege that one can say "there is nothing I need."  Even worse than that though is this disdain of gift giving or only wanting hand made gifts. What does that say to those who don't have everything they need?  Maybe Christmas is that one time of year when extravagance is permitted.  What about those who do not have the time or inclination for home-made gifts?

I love gifts.  Some of my fondest Christmas season memories are going to the shopping mall with my parents and buying gifts. I loved thinking about the perfect gift for a person. I loved being in the mall, with the people, with all the decorations, the Christmas music. In my family, children always created lists and letters to Santa. I loved this annual ritual.  Well into our teens and even today my family will ask for lists for Christmas.  It is that desire to give the perfect gift. Maybe because my family did do lists and everyone created one, I am not as a creative as my wife in thinking about gifts. In my family, you asked for what you wanted, you didn't always get it, but it was the time of year to ask.

So when I hear this disdainful attitude, this superiority about not shopping, avoiding malls like the plague, it makes me sad and angry.  It seems to me that because they cannot see the joy or the value then it must not have any. In an effort to point out the problems with consumption, we seem disgusted with those who head to the mall during the Christmas holiday or disdain shopping at Walmart and don't understand why anyone would shop there.  It is an attitude that can make Unitarian Universalism not very hospitable place for those not of a certain income and wealth level. We seem to miss that some people only get that little extravagance or that bigger needed item at Christmas and we forget that it may be more expensive to shop at stores more closely aligned to our values ... certainly we should decry consumerism and fight for better practices by retailers but perhaps we need to stop blaming all of those who have to make choices different than our own.

This translates more generally in overall attitudes toward the poor.  We judge their poor choices.  This powerful article  (it is long but worth reading the whole thing) on the story of one homeless teen and her family in New York brings home some of the choices.  This girl doesn't want the moon, she doesn't even dream of big expensive gifts.  Her world is small. She lives in one of the busiest and biggest cities in the world and yet her world exists of the deplorable shelter her family lives in and school. Everything else is possibly dangerous or a place where her status as a "shelter kid" will be discovered.  In her family, getting the monthly check means being treated to ice cream.  Maybe we could all say that there were better uses for that money but who are we to judge. It was a rare treat in a world where the money goes to necessities and often isn't enough to meet those.

One of the labor songs in the Unitarian Universalist hymnal, Singing the Living Tradition, is "As We Come Marching, Marching."  I first sang this song, which I knew as Bread and Roses, at a monthly feminist ritual at WATER, Women's Alliance for Theology, Ethics and Ritual.  The hymn speaks of the need not just for bread, for necessities, but for beauty.  We all need beauty. We want things that are not just practical but beautiful as well.  Isn't that part of the genius of Steve Jobs?  He not only created something practical and amazing that would change the way we work, the way we think about communication, the way we play and the way we connect with one another, he didn't forget it also needed to be beautiful.  At the end of each verse of this song are the lines: "Bread and roses, bread and roses!", too often we think those with less should only want bread and be grateful for whatever casts off they receive and that they should forget about the roses, in fact, sometimes we don't even think they 'deserve' the roses.

As my family and I have struggled financially, this time of year has become difficult and challenging,  Not having money sets you apart.  Your world becomes smaller because after all having lunch with friends or even coffee may represent money you don't have.  Social interactions become challenging out of the fear, that money will be involved.  Also struggling financially comes with shame.  As I wrote before, shame and fear are poor teachers.  Ironically, just when you need all your strength and all your self worth, the shame that can accompany financial struggle sucks it away.  It takes tremendous energy to resist believing the shame, to resist the lies that your self-worth is tied to your credit score or the number in your bank account.

At this time of year, I ache for the joy I found in shopping at the mall, looking for just that perfect item for someone I love.  I love watching my daughter's face on Christmas morning when she opens that perfect gift that she was really hoping for.  For gift giving is not just a gift to the receiver, but rather when we give out of love, it makes us feel amazing.

So I invite you this season that if you are one of those disdainful of the shopping mall and the gift giving, recognize that for some that represents joy and tradition.  Go ahead and buy your gifts free-trade, or make them or shop small, local businesses that give part of their profits to an environmental cause.  Please watch your judgement of those who shop at Walmart or one of the other big commercial stores.  Maybe that is all they can afford or maybe they work there.  Re-discover the joy in giving something utterly frivolous and extravagant!  If you go for practical, make sure it is beautiful too!  People need both! Our souls thirst for it.

I have always loved the memes that suggest that if the three wise persons had been women, they would have brought food and practical gifts.  Yet as I reflect more deeply on it, there is a beauty and meaning in the gifts that are totally impractical (well, okay, I am sure the gold was helpful!).  They were aromatic and exotic. The gifts were an extravagance, unsuited to the humble child of a carpenter but a reminder that even a child born in a barn should be celebrated.

Now are you still thinking about that gift? Was it practical?  Was it beautiful?  How do you feel when you think about it?  That is what gift giving is about.  It is about showing our love in concrete ways.

So I invite to give and receive extravagantly this year!  Enjoy the process of choosing that perfect gift!  If you too are struggling financially this season, remember fear and shame are poor teachers and masters!  My hope is that others will gift you with "bread and roses" and that you can receive deeply without feeling obligation in return. For those of you who do 'have all that you need,' remember to be gracious and joyful in your receiving ... whether it be a baked good or the perfect earring or a box of candy from Walmart ... try looking for the beauty in it if even only in the giver's twinkling eyes. May we all let people give to us, opening ourselves to receive the gift. May we all know the joy of giving "bread and roses."

Let's reclaim the joy of gift giving and receiving!  

The Magic Happens Outside Your Comfort Zone

This is the text of a sermon I preached at Unitarian Universalist Congregation of the Outer Banks on Sunday, Dec. 8, 2013.  The readings for the sermon are "The Pilot" by Gaia Brown and "Prospective Immigrants Please Note" by Adrienne Rich.

It is pleasure to be back with you!  Thank you for your warm welcome to me and to my family.

Lately I have been challenged to go way outside my comfort zone.  It has been wonderfully liberating to break free of the voices that tell me “you will look foolish”  “what will other people think” and just be.  How is it that we come into this world small, vulnerable and yet so open, so trusting, so ready to learn and explore and then somewhere along the lines it gets lost and muddled?

Yet this sermon is not really about why we get lost it is really about what happens when we step out of the comfort zone.  So let’s begin what is the comfort zone. Each of us has our own comfort zone.  For some it may be very narrow and confining, restricting us to a small circle of people and experiences.  For others the zone is wider, includes more people and experiences but still there is a border there, one that once it is crossed discomfort sets in.  Now comfort zones are not all bad.  Typically they are the zone in which we feel competent.  I actually believe that the goal is not to get rid of our comfort zones rather it is to recognize the limits of the comfort zone and when it may benefit us to stretch ourselves, move outside of it.  For example I hate roller coasters and the thought of them is not at all pleasurable.  For some of you, the exact opposite is true.  Now whether or not I ever ride a roller coaster again will not determine the quality of my life or whether or not I can live an authentic life. However when I was a teenager, that fear of roller coasters was an impediment to enjoying being with my peers. It set me apart.  Since I was unwilling to step outside my comfort zone, my fear kept me within it, and I may have missed out on a number of fun activities in my youth. As an adult woman, the urgency of enjoying roller coasters has passed and I am grateful that my daughter loves them!

Yet what if the things we are unwilling to try or explore are bigger than my fear of roller coasters?  What if the things we fear are paths to our authentic self?  What if it is about realizing our deepest held dreams?  What if within that comfort zone we are withholding our gift that will help heal the world?

The comfort zone is not limited to individuals.  Groups and communities and even whole nations have comfort zones.  On this level the stakes are even higher. On the positive side the comfort zone of the group, protects the group and makes it feel secure.  Yet this is also its shadow!  When the group refuses to step out of its comfort zone, it can cease to change, to evolve, to let new in and ultimately that can lead to the extinction of the group.  Sometimes the comfort zone takes priority to such a degree that it will do anything, including acts of violence, to protect it.  This can lead to war, genocide, systemic oppression like Jim Crow Segregation or South African Apartheid.  When the group refuses to allow “the other” in … then the other becomes an object of fear and hatred.

As the poet Adrienne Rich states in her poem, you can choose to go through the door or not go through.  There are no promises.  She even assures us that it is possible “to live worthily, to maintain your position, to die bravely.” Maybe we think “Hey that doesn't sound so bad.  That sounds like a decent life.  I can live with that.”  Then she reminds us “but much will blind you, much will evade you, at what cost who knows?”  Ah there is the rub isn't it.  We may not even know the cost we will pay.  Are we willing to live knowing that life inside the comfort zone may not be truly living at all?

See inside the comfort zone our egos and our fears rule the day.  The ego is all about preservation of the status quo.  Now the ego gets a bad rap. It is not all bad. It is like money. It can be a good and helpful servant but it is a terrible master. For the ego uses fear as its ultimate source of control. Now sometimes fear is a good thing. Fear can keep us from taking a dangerous action, it can help us listen to that warning feeling that danger is imminent.  It can keep us from making some foolish, reckless choices. Choosing to step outside the comfort zone doesn't mean taking foolish risks for the sake of taking risks.  Stepping out of the comfort zone is choosing to step forward into the unknown to achieve a bigger goal or purpose.  We do not step outside the comfort zone merely to step outside of it.  In other words, we go through the door to “remember our name, to have things look at us and look back at them and to let things happen.”  It is about what happens after we take the leap, not the leap itself.  So to go back to my roller coaster example, it might be worthwhile for me to ride a roller coaster if in fact I need a harmless way to practice stepping outside my comfort zone, but the reason I may want the practice is so I can take an even bigger risk. So some of the ways I have been stepping outside of my comfort zone lately have been funny, foolish and fun.  Yet I had to overcome my ego which said “what will people think?  This is foolish.”  One example of this is that I participated with a small group in seeing how many hugs we could get in a shopping center … so as a group we offered hugs to shoppers.  It was so much fun!  We brought so many smiles to so many faces.  Yet my comfort zone would never have let me do such a foolish thing.  Yes we looked foolish and people looked at us like we were fools but it didn't matter!  There were so many more smiles and lots and lots of laughter.  It was one of the most fun things I have ever done!

In taking these fun risks, it broke up the fear so I can take bigger risks.  Such a risk may mean reaching out to a new person to talk about a project. Maybe it is standing up here to preach this sermon. Maybe it is saying what needs to be said knowing it will not be popular.  When we learn to step outside the comfort zone we also find joy.  I have to tell you since practicing going outside my comfort zone, I dance with a lot more abandon and freedom. It is fun and other than embarrassing my teenager daughter, a really good thing. Overcoming those fears means I am more connected to myself, more connected to others and more alive.

It is possible to choose to step outside our comfort zone. We can make the choice to live more authentically, to take risks, to be more fully alive.  This recent experience was very much one of those times.  I agreed to take part of a personal development workshop.  Now probably if I had known everything that was going to happen I might have hesitated but trusting my sister and taking the leap worked out.  It can also happen in therapy or on retreat.  For some it can come through reading any number of books. Personally I highly recommend Parker Palmer if you are looking for a place to begin.  In fact the process of learning to step out of our comfort zone is a lifelong one.  It is not one of those things we learn once.

I find however that many of us find ourselves forced out of our comfort zones.   Once forced out we then have a choice to make … is this the worst thing ever and as soon as I can I am getting back into that zone or OK this is not very pleasant, yet look at all that I am learning and experiencing out here. OK so maybe there is something too this whole getting out of the comfort zone.  For many of those we are like The Pilot. We find ourselves in the dark, lost, over a desert, and running out of fuel, and suddenly we are way outside our comfort zone.  How many can relate to those moments?

Nelson Mandela is good example of this.  Forced into the horror of Apartheid and then sentenced to life in prison for fighting against the imposed comfort zone. Let’s face it Apartheid was designed for whites to never have to leave their comfort zone. Mandela could have made some very different choices in response to the imposed circumstances of his life.  When he was finally released, he chose to forgive and to leave bitterness in that cell.  He could have retreated and quietly lived out the rest of his life upon leaving prison. Instead he used the things that had happened to him to lead his nation to freedom and in the process inspire us all.  Yet Mandela did not claim divine-like power, he said this “I was not a messiah, but an ordinary man who had become a leader because of extraordinary circumstances.”  So we do not honor Mandela by saying “Well there won’t be another Mandela” and go back to our comfort zones. We follow his example by using our circumstances to become leaders of our lives.  That is why we leave the comfort zone.  Hopefully in the process we also do our part to do justice, bring healing and more love to a hurting world.

Probably one of my biggest critiques of Unitarian Universalism is that we love the comfort zone.  I am not the first person to offer this critique.  Henry David Thoreau offered a similar critique in his Harvard Divinity School Address when he talked about “corpse cold Unitarians.”  For Thoreau and the other Transcendentalists the problem with Unitarians was that they were so stuck in their heads that they could not feel, they did not live, they were emotionless.  Too often we Unitarian Universalists fear depth of emotion, embodiment, and passion.  We are very rational.  We want things to make sense.  On the one hand that is a tremendous gift. Yet human beings are also feeling, passionate, embodied beings.  As James Luther Adams reminded us human beings are not simply rational creatures.  I would say “Thank Goodness” we are not just rational creatures. Life is about so much more than our rationality!  Yet we UUs really like to stay in our heady comfort zone.

For a faith community to not merely survive but to thrive, especially today, it must be willing to step out of its comfort zone.  We must be willing to take risks not knowing if they will succeed or fail.  Stepping out of our comfort zone means we are going to get it wrong sometimes. We may end up looking foolish.  For a heady group of perfectionists, this is terrifying. I don’t want to make light of that very real fear.  Yet as Nelson Mandela reminds us, it is not about getting rid of the fear. It is about conquering the fear.  It is about not letting it rule the day.  I believe our congregations have a saving message for the world, yet we can only offer our message by stepping outside of our comfort zone, conquering fear and yes having faith that in doing so we can transform the world.

All of you here at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of the Outer Banks are standing in front of a door. You are standing at a moment of transition and you will have choices to make about how you will go forward.  Transitions are perfect moments for stepping out of our comfort zone. The choice, however, rests with you.  Will you risk trying new things?  What is the larger vision that is worth the risk?  Who do you see yourselves becoming and is the vision large enough?  Again you are asked as a community, will you walk through the door or won’t you?  Will you step outside the comfort zone or not?

Conquering our fear, making our comfort zone a servant and not a master, risking failure, risking success beyond our wildest dreams - that is the magic outside our comfort zone.  Deep within, our authentic selves know this.  We know this to be true and yet the challenge remains “Will we walk through the door or will we not” and are we willing to walk through it again and again.  For the choice to live authentically, the choice to live is one that we will be asked to answer again and again.  I will close with these words from Nelson Mandela:  “There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires.”