Learning to Lead with Yes

So for most of my life I have led with no, no I won't do that, no I don't believe that, no you can't tell me I can't do that.  Now to some degree there has been success in that I have followed my call and my dream despite being told that it was not financially viable; that it could be my advocation but not my vocation. Now at times I did try not working in the world of faith and religion and I do enjoy higher education, yet time and again, like the irresistible call of the Sirens, I come back to my first loves of spirituality and faith. Yet despite that irresistible yearning and call, I have never full let myself believe that I could genuinely succeed at it. It was like unconsciously I had to prove those right who said this was not a viable way to make a living.  So sometimes I made myself small, sometimes I let fear and anxiety get the better of me, sometimes I kept waiting for permission, and always having a certain degree of success but not quite enough.

This week I had an encounter with a group in which I once again led with my no.  I didn't quite realize how much my "NO" came through. I thought I was really trying to be curious about a push the group was making toward certain options for earning money and yet what came through was very much my "No I won't do that!".  Needless to say the group came back at me hard and then I only felt more cornered, more trapped, like a small child being ordered to do something she did not want to do.  It was my partner who pointed out that all they heard was my NO and that was it.

I took the weekend off from the group and stepped back. What did it mean that I led with No and how might that be true in other areas?  I realize first that we live in a culture of No.  We always begin with why something won't work.  We mock ideas like world peace - we all say we want it but don't really believe it is possible.  We have an entire government right now predicated on no.  No we won't vote, no we won't even bring it up for a vote, we will stand here and refuse to even let the matter come to the floor for consideration no matter how much when Americans are polled they want our politicians to find solutions to our common problems.  Almost any time something is proposed it almost always begins with why it won't work.  So it is not surprising that I too have learned to lead with no.  Yet what if I stopped, stepped back and asked what if I could, what if I said yes to myself, yes to my dreams, yes to what I already know instead of going around asking for permission to even get started.  What difference would it make to lead with yes?

Brian Johnson from en*theos recently posted about the Angel Advocate. The Angel Advocate is the opposite of the Devil's Advocate. The Devil's Advocate is the voice that seeks to challenge and disrupt - it is the original Hebrew meaning of "satan" which is to obstruct or oppose.  The voice of satan is the one to offer challenge, to disrupt established patterns of thought. In our culture we love the Devil's Advocate - we love to obstruct and oppose before something even gets off the ground. It can take different guises but some of the more common ones are "it will never work" "there is not enough money" "we tried something like that before it didn't work" "we have always done it this way" and I am sure you can add to the list. What are your favorites?

So anytime a new idea comes along or a thought about something different immediately there are a hundred objections - for me anyway - before I have even opened my mouth to say anything to anyone else.  Johnson talks about the Angel Advocate as the voice that explores what is possible if it went right, to see all the possibilities if we lived fully into this idea or dream.  Johnson argues that maybe before we let the devil come in with all the reasons why it won't work, let the angel do the work of exploring what might be possible and how it could work.  What if we led with the yes first?

If I led with yes first and what might that look like? Maybe instead of just talking about turning Scattered Revelations into my personal brand and consulting business, I would actually do it. I would actually figure out how to market my blog, to increase readership. If I led with yes I would stop talking about creating a website to officiate at weddings here on the Outer Banks, I would actually do it. Instead of talking about offering classes, I would get started designing one and figuring out where to hold it, how much to charge etc. Instead of just saying I wanted to do x y z, I would actually start doing it and when I didn't know how to do it, I would figure out who does know.  Sure it may not work, maybe it won't give me enough income and I will still need some other ways to earn money but stopping myself and letting others stop me before I even start guarantees that it won't work.  I have spent a lifetime leading with no and I don't expect that overnight I will suddenly be an expert at yes, but it is time to start leading with yes. It is time to listen to that angel and a lot less to the devil.  It is time to learn a new way!

Are you leading with yes or with no?  What is the role of the Devil's Advocate in your life?  

What do you think of this idea of an Angel's Advocate?  

What might be possible in your life if you led with yes instead of no?

Embracing Monsters - Revisited

So I have been thinking how I can have two blog posts each week without having to create two original posts each week.  I now have 100 blog posts so for my second post each week I will revisit a previous post, add some additional thoughts and see how I have changed and grown over the years of this blog.  For my first such post I am revisiting a post from my first year of blogging, 2010 and my post Embracing Monsters.

Also I am still looking for feedback on my proposed new logo and tag line.  Please put your thoughts in the comments!

I read this post and I think how much has changed and yet how much remains the same.  I still struggle with the monsters of failure and success.  I wonder now how to dance with these monsters of fear - maybe figuring out that they are not always monsters and may be friends.  Maybe it is time to make friends with my monsters.

I have to say of late I have been struggling with the monster of scarcity.  I am seeking ways to earn more income and that is both exciting on the one hand and very challenging on the other. I wonder how to get started with being more entrepreneurial.  I have done some freelance writing which I enjoy but the jobs I have taken pay too little to be viable.  I wonder about how to market myself and put myself out there.  I think about writing a book.  I dance with this fear of scarcity and although lately it has felt more like a fight with me on the losing end.

Another thing that strikes me is how much in 2010 I wanted to dive deep and put down roots.  In many ways I did that and in others I didn't. Now I am in a place, in a job that I know ends in a year.  What does putting down roots mean in this context?  How am I both fully here and looking ahead to what's next?  Again the paradoxes abound - it is not just one thing or another - it is this and that and another.

I am still struggling to embrace the monsters, to ride them all the way down and to live authentically. So the dance with my monsters friends continues!

What are your monsters?  Are they new ones or old ones?  

How are you learning to embrace them and make them your friends?

Waiting for Permission and Asking for Forgiveness

This is my 100th Blog Post!  It took a mere 4 years to get here and hopefully the next 100 won't take quite so long! Enjoy!  Thanks for reading and please do share!  Here is a possible logo design for Scattered Revelations.  What do you think?

A note on this blog post, I am using binary gender language because I want to speak to the on-going way women are systemically shut out of opportunities due to male supremacy.  Gender is not just limited to two genders yet our society continues to operate on a rigid two gender system with men being superior.  We are still in a patriarchy.  All of what I discuss in this piece, is made worse if one is Transgender/Gender Queer. Transpeople face double discrimination, transwomen can find themselves very quickly on the receiving end of patriarchy and transmen often find no home among cisgender men and no longer finding a home among women, sometimes even being accused of trying to gain male privilege through transition. Those who identify as trans or gender queer without clear identification with one binary gender or another are often excluded from the conversation about gender altogether. So while I am using men and women in this piece because of my own experience, please know that I know that this patriarchal construction of power is even more complicated for those who are transgender. I welcome conversations with my transgender colleagues about how these reflections apply to your experience.

I have been doing a great deal of reflection on the differences between the two professional associations that I am members of and how they are so different in their effectiveness.  I have learned a great deal about myself during that reflection.  I am a member of both LREDA, Liberal Religious Educators Association and UUMA, the Unitarian Universalist Ministers Association. Both are membership organizations serving the professionals that serve UU congregations and communities.  LREDA is for lay and ordained religious educators. UUMA is for candidates for ministry and fellowshipped UU ministers.  UUMA has been very successful in creating standards for ministerial positions within our congregations including expectations about salary, benefits, professional expenses and severance procedures.  LREDA has many similar guidelines for religious educators,  Yet the differences are striking.  While most congregations accept the majority of recommendations put forward by the UUMA (again most, not all and some willingly, some grudgingly), many of our congregations do not treat religious educators similarly.

Even in terms of issues like credentialing, most congregations will hire a minister from within those that are in fellowship or such as my case, a candidate for ministry.  The same does not hold true for Religious Educators despite the enormous amount of time, effort and thoughtfulness that has gone into the credentialing process. Unfortunately there is still an attitude that our religious educators do not need to be, nor are they professionals in their field with particular expertise and that their incomes are simply supplementary.  Now I know this situation has improved dramatically over the years but LREDA and religious education is still a far cry from the UUMA in terms of being able to demand professional salaries, benefits and treatment.

Now I know that these things are complex and political and cannot be reduced to any single reason or cause but I want to reflect on one huge difference - LREDA is well over 90% women and in the traditionally female world of education.  The UUMA while now over 50% women (something that would have appalled Unitarian Samuel Atkins Eliot II who found women unfit for professional ministry and sought vigorous and "manly" ministers and his efforts successfully weeded women out of Unitarian ministry for 50 years) can trace much of its success in demanding professional salaries and benefits to its male leadership and domination.

What I noticed is that it seems to me that LREDA is still waiting for permission to be at the table while the UUMA presumed its place at it.  Now this is not shocking given that women are still socialized from a young age to be nice, polite and wait their turn.  We are socialized to put others first and ourselves second.  We are called bossy if we are too assertive.  There are other less polite words that come our way too if we are seen as stepping out of line.

What really struck me though is how I saw myself in the midst of this.  I realize that I not only spend much of my life waiting for permission, whether agonizing over what I can claim on a resume about my skills or experience or do I really have the qualifications for a particular job.  Yes I have thought that I cannot apply to a job because I don't happen to have one or maybe two of the things asked for and usually they are things listed near the bottom.  By the way, men in general have no such problems, if they meet just one or two of the qualifications they will go for it, overall most women do what I do, taking themselves out of job if they don't meet all the criteria.  I learned that not only am I waiting for permission or asking for permission, I apologize for doing so. As I am asking, I will also apologize. Since many men operate on the "ask for forgiveness, not permission" and that is a popular leadership slogan there is no such asking for permission and even if in a particular situation a man were to seek permission, he would not do so while apologizing at the same time.  For me, as a woman socialized not to be too pushy, accused of being way too loud, to wait until I am given permission I find myself not only asking for permission but asking for forgiveness even as I ask for permission.

Now I don't have any magic solution for this but I am thinking that this is a lot of what Sheryl Sandberg is getting at in her "Ban Bossy" campaign and "Lean In" work.  Now I will confess that her book is on my list of books to read.  I have read plenty of pro-Sheryl and anti-Sheryl articles. Yet what I hear her saying is that we need to stop waiting for permission.  We have to stop waiting to be given a seat at the table.  What would it mean for me to stop asking for permission and apologizing for doing so?  What opportunities would I pursue if I stopped believing I wasn't qualified or I need permission from somewhere to pursue it?  What tables do I want to sit at that right now I don't even think about?

What are you waiting for permission to do?   What would it look like if you stopped waiting, stepped forward and did what you have been waiting to do?  

Practicing Presence

I preached this sermon, Sunday June 8, 2014 at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of the Outer Banks.

Story: Rusty Schweickart: A Change in Perspective - an excerpt
Text: An excerpt from Theory U by Otto Scharmer this is not the exact text I used but it will give you some background.

I have been reading a dense but wonderful book called Theory U by Otto Scharmer and learning more about his work at MIT and the founding of the Presencing Institute.  I became interested in Scharmer and Theory U when I asked a networking contact, so who is creating places to ask the big questions - who am I? What is my purpose?  - now that more people are moving out of faith communities.  He told me about Otto Scharmer and Theory U.  See Otto Scharmer works with big corporations, multinational corporations and NGO's - not faith communities.  He is a Senior Lecturer at MIT and a leader in studying and creating leadership programs.  Theory U is a process of connecting and learning from the future through an Open Mind, Open Heart and Open Will.  Scharmer argues that in becoming deeply present with oneself, with others and with all that is … that we can learn from the future.

Our culture is awash in things to keep us from being truly present - not just with each other but with ourselves. We spend most of our time simply taking in information around us and fitting it into our preconceived ideas and bias.  We are likely the people in Plato's cave who mistake the shadows for the sun.  Our culture rewards this, it is set up for this because if we were all truly awake, truly present to ourselves and to each other then life and reality would have to transform.

Now I want to be careful to place myself or us outside that culture because we are part of creating it and sustaining it.  One of the biggest lessons from Theory U is when people move from talking about the system or the culture or the organization as that thing out there doing this to them and saying "look what we are doing to ourselves."  What are we doing to ourselves?  We are not practicing being full present either to ourselves or each other.

So what does it mean to be present.  What experiences in your life have you had of being fully present - to yourself, to your surroundings, to others.  Just take a moment and bring to mind an experience of being fully present.

Now take a moment and remember a time when someone was fully present to you.  When you just knew they were fully in the moment with you.

What are the qualities of those experiences?  What did you feel or hear or see?  We know when we are fully present.  For some of you that experience may have come out in nature…walking on the beach, listening to the waves, watching the sun rise or set.  For some of you a particular moment of your life may have come to you - when a child was born, being with someone close to you when they were dying.

Parker Palmer, sociologist, writer and activist describes in his book Let Your Life Speak how a friend of his was so deeply and fully present to him in the midst of the darkest days of his depression.  Palmer's friend Bill came to the house every afternoon. After asking his permission, Bill came and rubbed Parker's feet.  Every afternoon, for a half an hour, he knelt at Parker's feet and rubbed them.  He would not say much Parker describes accept to mirror his condition - words like I feel your struggle today or you feel stronger today. Bill was fully present to Parker in those moments. Words were not needed.  He simply came and made himself fully present in that moment to a friend who was in deep need. (Palmer, Parker Let Your Life Speak, pp. 63-64)

As I was preparing this sermon I asked on Facebook, I asked a similar question I asked all of you - what is presence like.  My friend Layne said, " It smells like rain on hot asphalt washing away built up junk - it sounds soft - it excludes all 'devices' and has eye contact - it feels tingly and warm and it can 'look' lots of different ways. It calls in vulnerable energies balanced with trust and it is so missing in our world." Another friend, Maggie described a moment of present with another:   "sitting at the bedside of a dying friend... she'd lost her hearing, so we just locked eyes and conversed silently, if you will. and I was surprised that in those moments, there was only love and joy between us... nothing else... not even sadness. That would come but not in those moments, which felt like being "fully-present with another".  My friend Kit says "You feel blessed."

Presence does not require much and yet it requires everything.  It requires that first we become present to ourselves, that we stop staying stuck in our mind, constantly replaying the same tapes.  We need to stop judging and assuming probably the hardest things to do.  Then we need to become aware of who and what is around us.  In all of the examples, people were connected both with themselves and another.  The barriers were down.  The judgments were suspended.  In those moments, often without words, there was a deep sense of connection and knowing.

In our story this morning, Astronaut Rusty Schweickart has an experience of being present that went well beyond himself.  He came to see his experience as encompassing all of us, all the boundaries dissolved.  As he realized that we all too often see the earth divided with little lines like on maps and globes yet realizing  that those lines are a myth - they don't actually exist.  He realizes we fight wars and do harm over the myth of these lines.  He had an experience of what we call in our 1st source, that transcending sense of mystery and wonder.  He said that it took ten years for him to find words to speak of his experience and that it was not until he spoke in the 2nd person - to take his listeners and readers on the journey with him.  He invites us into his experience of presence.  This experience transformed him, he was forever changed.  An experience of presence is that powerful.

Yet I think precisely because it is that powerful, that we and our culture avoid it and long for it at the same time.  In being fully present, we become open, the walls we have built to protect ourselves come down - even if for only a brief time.  Yet what if we chose to be present more frequently that we actually adopted a practice of presence?  What might happen if all of us here at UUCOB adopted a practice of presence?  This community already has at its heart, a strong sense of care and concern with and for one another.  What if that care and concern would be taken to another level - a level of being fully present to and with one another? What would this place feel like?  What would it look like?  What would change?

And yes things would change because the experience of being present, fully present, changes people and changes organizations, communities.

Imagine for a moment if we adopted a practice of presence.  That each time we were together, we practiced being fully present to one another.  To putting ourselves in another's shoes; to walking with one another - suspending judgment.  In our reading today from Theory U - Scharmer describes his work with organizations as they move deeper from downloading - not present, not awake, to waking up and seeing who is there and what is there - an open mind, to connecting with who and what is there - an open heart, to thinking that is on fire, that is creative - being fully present - an open will- he calls this presencing.

Our world and our times call for this! This time in this community calls for it. It is a time to become fully present to ourselves, to each other and to what surrounds us.  We know the elements, we know what it feels like.  We know when we are present and when we are not.  We know when others are present with us and when they are not.  Will we do it perfectly, 100% of the time.  No.  Yet we can practice. We can begin here at worship. We can take the time to pause, to get quiet and get ready.  We can look and really see who is here.  We can look people in the eyes and ask "how are you" and wait to hear the answer.  We can shake hands and be aware of the feel of the person's hands.  We can listen beyond the words.  We can take it into coffee hour.  As we practice it, it will come more natural.  We will get better at being present.

So I invite you into a practice of presence.  I invite us into this practice.  Let's see what might change - for ourselves, for each other, for this faith community.

May it be so!

Visiting the Past

So last week I was visiting places of my past.  It was my 25th Reunion from Georgetown University. It was wonderful to be back on campus, sharing my love of Georgetown with my family. It was also great to connect with friends, listen to some great talks and enjoy being back on campus.  I found myself thinking a lot about who I was at Georgetown, what opportunities I took advantage of and which ones I didn't.  I had to really fight the impulse to be filled with regret with all I didn't do.  There is an element of the bittersweet - on the one hand it was great to be back and on the other I realize all that I didn't do, all that I did not explore while I was there.

Photos by Mollie Sequeira, design by me using Canva!

The second place I went was to worship at the Washington National Cathedral.  I worked for the worship department at the National Cathedral in the early 90's. It was the second full time job I held after graduating from Georgetown.  It was an amazing place to work, that I don't believe I fully appreciated until later.  I had the opportunity to meet Jimmy and Roslyn Carter, participate in the ordination and consecration of Jane Dixon, the 2nd woman bishop in the Episcopal Church and hear the Dalai Lama.  No regret here.  It was truly an encounter with the past when the Rev. Frank Wade was the celebrant and I worked for him at St. Alban's Episcopal Church while I was attending Wesley Theological Seminary.

Both Georgetown and the National Cathedral have changed tremendously since I walked their grounds.  Of course I have changed too.  In some ways it is true that you cannot go back, you cannot go home again and on the other hand, it is good to go back, to see how things have changed and it stirred within me things I have let go of over the years.  Am I being called to re-visit these things - is there a way I need to integrate them within my life now?

I struggle with this notion of living with no regrets for in some cases the regret does not come until later.  It is true as Maya Angelou says "when I know better, I do better."  For example I had always hoped to travel abroad but since I transferred into Georgetown I did not want to be away from campus during any part of my three years.  Later, much later, it dawned on me that I could have done a summer abroad.  Again, a regret, and one to let go of since I didn't know to do that at the time.  Now I think about what it might mean to live and work abroad so perhaps I can still turn that longed for dream into a reality.  I am not sure any more if regret should always be avoided, certainly not something to get stuck in, yet it can serve as a catalyst for new dreams.  Hey I didn't do that, I wish I had, is there some new way I can imagine it now.

The trip to Georgetown was also an affirmation of so much that I know be essential to who I am. This picture taken in front of this sign captures this well.  I took my very first theology class at Georgetown. Thank you Monika Hellwig and all my other teachers at Georgetown who seeded my life long love of theology. Thank you also for giving me a place to doubt, to question my faith, to wrestle with it.  Truly I would not be who I am now without the guidance and teaching I received at Georgetown.  I am forever grateful and forever proud to be a Hoya!

So visiting the places of my past has been an opportunity to reflect with both gratitude and to let the regret come. Because from those seeds of longing come new dreams. I am not letting go of my dream of travel, living and working abroad.  I don't know what shape it will take yet, but I am feeding this dream.  One day I will post here that my further posts will come from abroad!

What places of your past have you visited?  Do you have "regrets" that could become new dreams?

Life Is Not Like School

Now maybe for some of you out there this does not come as a major revelation, yet for me this hit home.  I was on a Confidence Coaching call with David Kaiser from Dark Matter Consulting and David said "Work is not like school. Your boss does not give you assignments and then you turn them and get approval."  Yet I realized when he said that how much I unconsciously expect life to work like school.

You see I am good at school. I played school as a child (it comes honest, my mother and grandmother were teachers), I have a degree from Georgetown, a Masters Degree from the Jesuit School of Theology at Santa Clara (ok it was Berkeley when I graduated) and enough credits for an M.Div. thanks to my years at Wesley Theological Seminary and my year at Starr King.  See I got very very good at school, not to the point of being top of my class or earning top honors but I know how to do school. I know exactly how much work I needed to do to get the grade I wanted.  I had teachers who pushed me and inspired me to do my best. Probably if I had had some good mentoring and support, I probably would have done great getting a PhD and spending my life teaching.

What I realized on that call is that I keep expecting, again not consciously, for life to respond to me like school. That life will give me assignments, with clear directions as to completion, my job is to create the product that has been assigned.  Now granted graduate school did give me the opportunity to explore some of my own ideas, to create my own final project for my MTS (which was terrifying by the way). For the most part however, I was given the assignments, did the work and rewarded for my efforts.

Yet work does not work that way, certainly life doesn't work that way. Life doesn't give you assignments, it gives you experiences and opportunities.  Life is about what you will do with those experiences and opportunities. There is no guaranteed outcome.  You can do the very best job at an opportunity and you can still  fail or be fired or someone won't like it. You can be the most qualified, amazing person for a job and may not get it or you may get fired from it.  It is a myth that we base things on merit.  Only school, and even then not always, rewards merit.

What it all means? Well that it is really up to each of us.  For some people being fired from a job is the best thing that has ever happened to them.  They are overjoyed (oh sure it may sting) or if not overjoyed they are relieved.  Others it is truly the end of the world and they can't recover. They may take their life.  They may sink into a depression that it will take them months or years to emerge from.  Some are born into situations of incredible adversity and they are able to overcome it and for others, far too many others, they can't. Yet somehow we expect them to.  It is about the story we tell ourselves and too often the story we have been told to tell ourselves.  Far too often others tell us what an event or experience is supposed to mean, and far too often we listen and believe it.  So if you are told often enough - you will never amount to anything, your circumstances are too far gone then chances are you will believe it even if your soul is screaming "No No No No!"

Also key is that in life we are not in control. You see school taught me that I was in control.  That as long as I did the work assigned and got the right answers I would be rewarded.  I was taught it didn't matter if I didn't like my teacher, it didn't matter what other students did or did not do, I was master here and whatever I did or did not do was all that mattered. Yet in life other people do matter.  In fact those people who overcome all the odds, behind them you will find teachers, mentors, parents who supported them, believed them, coached them.  They help silence the voices that say it won't ever be different.  I was blessed by amazing educational opportunities and yes while I created some of that myself so much of it came because of my family, where I was born, what I was given, what I was not in control of in the least.

In addition, somewhere along the way, maybe because I went to all Catholic schools growing up, my initial ideas about vocation were very much like school. God has a plan for each of us, each of us has a gift to give the world. Our job is to figure out what God has planned for us - the assignment - then we are to live that out as best we can and then at the end God will let us know how well we did.  Now obviously if you read this blog, you know that my ideas, thoughts and reflections about vocation have grown beyond this. Yet this still resides within.  One thing we often forget in developmental theory is that whether we are talking about stages of moral development, faith development, emotional development etc. we all still have the stages within us. Just because I am not just at the magical thinking stage of faith development doesn't mean that part of me doesn't still practice it - particularly at times of stress.  So sometimes when it feels really hard, I think I didn't get the assignment right, or that I am not doing the assignment the way I am supposed to (goodness knows there have been enough people letting me know that they don't think I have it right or that I am doing it the right way in the least) - then I need to stop.  I need to be reminded that life is not school, there is no assignment and I am not necessarily doing it wrong. It is just hard right now - so as one of my favorite memes right now says "Yell Plot Twist and Move On."

So life is not like school.  It is not about assignments and checking off requirement lists.  God doesn't hand out assignments along with hair and eye color.  Life is more like home school.  You have to dive in and figure it out. You have to follow your interests and figure out they ways you learn best.  As a homeschool parent who was schooled, my first task was to let go of what it means to "learn" to be "educated" and what school "has" to look like.  Our home school does not look anything like school as I experienced it.  Our homeschool is experimental, involves cooking, videos, books, and lots and lots of talking.  Oh and the thing that is the most different?  We do it as a family.  While Donna takes the lead, I get to come along on the field trips. If I post the article about the lunar eclipse at 3 am (why are astronomical events always at 3 am?) then I am the one getting up to see if we can see it.  School does not happen between 8 and 3, M through F with summers off.  Homeschool happens whenever and wherever - like life does!

The key to vocation and to life is making a study of yourself, of who you are.  It is understanding who you are at your core, not the person you are supposed to be, not your parent's dream of who you are or would be, not the person society says you should want to be.  Life and vocation are about fully and authentically becoming the person you came into this world to be.  The person you have to be because your soul will not let you be anything less!  When will you graduate? Only when your life is done!

Flower Communion: Celebrating the Beauty of Diversity

I preached this sermon on Sunday May 18, 2014 at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of the Outer Banks.
Story: The First Flower Communion
Reading: "For the Flowers Have the Gift of Language" by Reginald Zottoli

Flower Communion is one of my favorite Unitarian Universalist Services.  I love that we all bring a wide range of flowers. Some come from our own gardens, some from other people’s gardens, some from stores and I have even been in congregations where congregants bring them from the grounds of the congregation itself forgetting until they get there that they were asked to bring a flower.  And every congregation I have served always made sure there would be more than enough flowers for those who are new, those who forgot and those who did not know it was Flower Communion Sunday. 

Norbert Capek wanted a ritual that his congregation, many who had left and been hurt by Roman Catholicism, could relate to.  He actually called it a Flower Festival in order to be sensitive to the feelings of his congregants.  The first flower festival took place in June 1923.

It was Norbert Capek’s wife, Maja who brought the Flower Festival Ritual to the United States.  Norbert and Maja, a Czech born American, met in New York where Norbert was studying for his PhD. After he finished his studies and discovering Unitarianism, Maja and Norbert founded the Unitarian church in Prague. Maja became a minister herself, ordained in 1926.  Maja toured the United States in 1940 and introduced the Flower Festival to the members of the Cambridge, MA Unitarian church.  Unfortunately the outbreak of World War II prevented Maja from returning to Prague. After the war ended, she learned that Norbert, who was vehemently opposed to the Nazi regime, was caught listening to foreign broadcasts and accused of high treason and died in a Nazi death camp.

The Flower Festival honors the diversity found in our faith communities.  Each of us comes here, each unique, each with a different view, looking for different things, exploring different paths and here we find community. Here we find other seekers to share the journey. We listen, learn and laugh with each other.  We gather together affirming that while we may each be seeking our own truth, it helps to have others to learn and share with.  As Unitarian Universalists we affirm that we are interconnected – that we need one another.

We gather together in community and take full responsibility for the health and vitality of this faith community.  It is our hands that do the work, our hands that raise the money, steward the funds assuring that there will be enough for today and enough going forward.  The pledge campaign going on right now, will let us know how much we can spend next year. It will direct the budget.  The offering each week is not just about collecting money. It is a collective spiritual practice of abundance.  It serves not just the needs within this faith community, but it allows us to support organizations in the Outer Banks.  Our practice of abundance supports us and the larger community of the Outer Banks. 

We cannot talk here about a leadership that is “them” and not “us” for we are the leaders, those who we will elect to serve in formal leadership positions in about month are voted upon by us, and they are us.  It is a requirement to serve in an elected leadership position that one be an active pledging member of this faith community.  Literally without us, without the people, there is no Unitarian Universalist Congregation of the Outer Banks. 

While I am not usually a big fan of Puritan austerity there was something to that style of plain architecture, with no pictures, no images to remind the community that the church was not the building but rather the people within. 

It reminds me of a game my mother used to play with me when I was a child.  She would put her hands together like this (demonstrate) and “here is the church, and here is the steeple, open the doors and there’s all the people.”  She taught me an important lesson that the church was the people; that without the people the church was just an empty building.

Both Unitarian Universalists and Americans state that we value diversity, affirming “that all are created equal.” Yet still we struggle with diversity; we struggle with the living the truth that all are created equal and to value the ways we are different. As human beings it often seems like we are hard wired to seek out only those who are like ourselves and to fear those who are different.  Now maybe in the early days of human history this was a wise strategy.  Maybe we needed just our own small like-minded, like-looking tribes to survive.  Yet in our globally interconnected world, this in-ward focus is dangerous to ourselves, others and to the planet that we share.  Now we live in a country that is rapidly becoming a majority of minorities. This is already true for those children being born today.  Today it is necessary for us to interact and get along with those who are different from us.

As Unitarian Universalists we have longed affirmed both the worth and dignity of the person and that we are all connected.  We are invited to value the beauty of each person as well as of the whole.  Yet in many ways we Unitarian Universalists too struggle with diversity.  Our diversity is found in our diverse spiritual journeys, our theology, in gender, in sexual orientation and yet one would be hard pressed to look at most Unitarian Universalist congregations and say we are truly diverse.  We are still a mostly white, mostly well-educated and an increasingly older faith community.  We struggle to attract younger people and people of color. Yet we know that our message of inclusivity is not just one for us.  Our message that there is more than one path; that we can doubt, wrestle with tradition and scripture is not just for us alone.  We have a message as Unitarian Universalists that is broader and more diverse than just who might typically be within our walls.  We know that our faith communities are stronger, more vital and more relevant when we don’t just play lip service to diversity, but when we actually actively engage with diversity.  We should also remember that we are not just waiting for diversity to come to us, it is already present in our midst … sometimes in only focusing on only what UU communities typically look like, we forget to celebrate the diversity that is already present.

So what does all this have to do with flowers and a flower communion?  Flowers remind us that each flower is unique and beautiful in its own right. There are so many different flowers and they are beautiful in so many different ways.  We don’t become “colorblind” to the flowers – we don’t see just one but we see all the colors in all their beauty.  Some smell amazing and some have no smell at all. Some flower buds become fruit or vegetables. They are all different colors and sizes and shapes.  They remind us that the flowers don’t fight with each other about how their own particular kind of beauty is the superior one.  The rose is not bothered by the beauty of the iris or the strawberry.  Each blooms, each reminds us of the beauty of life.  We use flowers to celebrate so many occasions, happy and sad.  We give flowers to performers, to graduates, they are present at weddings, and births. They are present at the hardest times as well – when people are sick, when they are facing surgery, flowers are present at our funerals and memorials.  In the midst of death, the flowers remind us of the beauty of life. 

Flowers can remind us to value difference, to seek out the unique beauty found in each.  The flower communion itself reminds us that the bouquet we make together is a thing of beauty … so that both the individual flower and the collective joining of flowers are pieces of art. For diversity requires more than mere tolerance; tolerance won’t lead to thriving, vibrant diverse communities.  It might keep us from killing each other but for true diversity to thrive, we need to respect, to appreciate, to seek the beauty that is different than our own.

So today we celebrate the diversity present in this community!  We celebrate our different ages, our different life experiences, our different genders, races, sexual orientations, different theologies, belief and non-belief, parents and non-parents, adopted and not, temporarily abled and disabled.  We celebrate all of us.  As Capek spoke in 1923:

“We are like these flowers,” he said. “Different colors, different ages, different sizes. We are different in so many ways. But each of us is beautiful and important, in our own way. Like these flowers.”

Without each person, each unique person’s beauty, this community of UUCOB would not be the beautiful warm and welcoming faith community that it is.  Each person present here whether for the first time or the 100^th, whether they are life-long Unitarian Universalists or not, whether this is their first UU congregation or their 10^th – each person is a part.  Each time we invite a new person in, each time a new person walks through that door, their beauty is added to the bouquet.  When we lose a member of this community, we mourn their loss and the memory of their beauty, like the beauty of the flower after it withers, remains in our hearts and minds. 

Flowers remind us, as well, that life is short and to live fully while we are here.  We have the opportunity in the brief time we are alive to share our beauty with others and with the world so that after we are gone, our memory will be a blessing, our beauty will live on in the memories of those whose lives we touch.  Norbert Capek lived to be seventy-two years old and seventy-two years later, his memory and beauty live on in the Flower Communion!  Thank you Norbert and Maja, for this gift of the Flower Festival – May it live on and may your story not be forgotten!

Blessed Be!