Weighed Down

As you might have noticed I have had a bit of writer's block lately when it comes to posting here. I have been searching for words and finally realized how weighed down I feel.  Some of this is winter which I have previously shared on this blog is the season I struggle with the most.  I hate being cold!  I also suffer from some Seasonal Affective Disorder so January and February are the hardest months - it is still pretty dark even though it is getting lighter, it is cold, and I have no desire to be outside.  Now I know for some of you winter is your favorite season - you love cold temps, snow and can't wait to get out into it.  Thank goodness because we need you!

So part of what I hate about winter is all the clothes I have to wear. Lately I have been feeling constantly cold so I am always wearing a couple of shirts, socks and slippers in the house.  In the evenings, my daughter and I lay cuddled up under a blanket on the couch. When I do have to leave the house, because you know I can't just take off for winter and stay inside all the time, I have to put on a coat and gloves.  I literally feel weighed down by all these layers.  When I spent my freshman year of college at Marquette University in Milwaukee, Wisconsin I wore long underwear under all my clothes - it was awful!  Hated the feeling of pants under my jeans!  Now I am not a nudist or one to go parading around without clothes but I love wearing a short sleeved top with capris or a skirt with sandals - perfect!  Now an occasional sweater or long-sleeve shirt with jeans - ie fall weather - is great too but this whole winter thing with long pants, socks, boots, a shirt, a sweater and then coats and gloves to leave the house - Ugh!

Now you might say but Margaret there are plenty of places to live and you chose to live in a place with cold winters and occasional snow.  Yes that is true because I love to live in places with four distinct seasons. I know that we need the cold and barrenness of winter to give rise to the beauty of spring, the rest that winter gives the fields to give rise to the abundance of summer,and that it is the cold that causes the leaves to turn all those amazing colors. Without the winter, the cold,  the barrenness, the greyness of winter - there is no amazing spring, the witnessing of the coming back to life of flowers, return of birds and geese and the abundance of summer fruits and vegetables.  Winter is an essential element for the beauty of spring, summer and fall.  Might it be that in our lives as well we need periods of barrenness, of cold, to give birth to even more beauty and joy?

The weighing down of course is also metaphorical and doesn't require cold weather.  I often get weighed down by fear, worry, anxiety, sadness.  I am weighed down by the responsibilities of supporting my family and wanting to do my very best for them.  When I look around and see so many people struggling I feel the weight of a country and world that privileges some while harming others. As I have been working at Food Lion one of the biggest things I have learned is how many people are struggling financially.  There are so many people receiving Food assistance, WIC or just counting the pennies to see if they have enough to buy their groceries. On the one hand it has made me feel so much less alone and on the other hand the reality of income inequality is manifested to me every single shift I work.  It is easy for me to feel weighed down not only by my own struggles but the struggles of our country.  

Two repeating themes in Scripture bring me comfort and challenge - Do Not be Afraid and Come to me and I will give you rest.  Do not be afraid and yet I am afraid much of the time. Less afraid then I used to be or maybe just more practice moving through the fear and doing it anyway.  So many of us are in need of rest, to put down our burdens and the burdens of the world and just be.  One of my favorite pop songs at the moment is Ghost by Ella Henderson and the chorus is: "I keep going to the river to pray; 'Cause I need something that can wash all the pain; And at most I'm sleeping all these demons away; But your ghost, the ghost of you;It keeps me awake."  I feel this song as I sing along to it.  I long to go to the river and wash all the pain away, to sleep and put the demons to rest and yes there is a ghost or ghosts that keep me awake, reminding me of the pain.  I struggle to trust and let go that the Holy is there, that I don't have to do it alone, that I am not alone.  I struggle to let the river wash away the pain, to set down the burden.  I struggle to accept the things I cannot change as it says in the serenity prayer and to have the courage to change what I can.  

How many of us are pushed to our knees praying that our pain be washed away?  Are you praying your pain be washed away?  Have you been pushed to your knees with the weight of life?  Can you set your burdens down and trust in the words of Julian of Norwich "That all will be well, all manner of thing shall be well"?   What ghost or ghosts keep you awake?  What is weighing you down in this season?  What helps lift the burden?

I don't have any answers, other than to keep moving through. Singing songs like "Ghost" at the top of my lungs in the car; letting myself sink to my knees in prayer and trust that I am being heard and to remind myself over and over again, "You Are Not Alone."  Also to remember that the barrenness of winter gives rise to the warmth and beauty of spring so to hold on long enough to let the seeds break open and give birth to new life.

Blessed Be.

Happy 5th Anniversary Scattered Revelations

So January 25 marks the 5th Anniversary of this blog.  I started the blog as a way to write about the books I was reading and hold myself accountable to actually reading them.  Over the years I have written about my work, my search for vocation and career, my struggles with money, racism, classism, sexuality and spirituality.  I have shared my sermons here.

I have come to really love the practice of writing here. Sometimes I get stuck or run out of time like last week but the discipline of weekly writing has helped me to grow and evolve. I love that now I expand my writing to include a picture to go with my words - thanks Canva!  

I look forward to continue to share my journey here.  2015 will see another career move and another physical move.  I continue to read and will share what I am learning here.  I am taking another edX class - this one is the Ulab with Otto Scharmer from MIT.  I will say more about what I am learning and connecting with later.

Thanks for being on this journey with me!

Humanists and Spiritual Practice

I preached this sermon on Sunday January 11, 2015 at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of the Outer Banks.

Readings:
Story:  "The Woodcarver" from The Way of Chuang Tzu

Khing, the master carver, made a bell stand

of precious wood.  When it was finished,

All who saw it were astonished.  They said it must be

The work of spirits.

The Prince of Lu said to the master carver:

“What is your secret?”

Khing replied: “I am only a workman:

I have no secret.  There is only this:

When I began to think about the work you commanded

I guarded my spirit, did not expend it

On trifles, that were not to the point.

I fasted in order to set

My heart at rest,

After three days of fasting, I had forgotten gain and success.

After five days

I had forgotten praise or criticism.

After seven days

I had forgotten my body

With all its limbs.

“By this time all thought of your Highness

And of the court had faded away,

All that might distract me from the work

Had vanished.

I was collected in the single thought

Of the bell stand.

“Then I went to the forest

To see the trees in their own natural state

When the right tree appeared before my eyes,

The bell stand also appeared in it, clearly, beyond doubt,

All I had to do was to put forth my hand

And begin.

“If I had not met this particular tree

There would have been

No bell stand at all.

“What happened?

My own collected thought

Encountered the hidden potential in the wood;

From this live encounter came the work

Which you ascribe to the spirits.”

excerpt from Let Your Voice Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation by Parker Palmer, pp.15-16

"Everything in the Universe has a nature, which means limits as well as potentials, a truth well known by people who work daily with the things of the world. Making pottery, for example, involves more than telling the clay what to become.  The clay presses back on the potter’s hands, telling her what it can and cannot do – and if she fails to listen, the outcome will be both frail and ungainly.  Engineering involves more than telling materials what they must do.  If the engineer does not honor the nature of the steel or the wood or the stone, his failure will go well beyond aesthetics: the bridge or the building will collapse and put human life in peril.

The human self also has a nature, limits as well as potentials. If you seek vocation without understanding the material you are working with, what you build with your life will be ungainly and may well put lives in peril, your own and some of those around you.  “Faking it” in the service of high values is not virtue and has nothing to do with vocation. It is an ignorant, sometimes arrogant, attempt to overrides one’s nature, and it will always fail.

Our deepest calling is to grow into our authentic self-hood, whether or not it conforms to some image of who we ought to be.  As we do so, we will not only find the joy that every human being seeks – we will also find our path of authentic service to the world.  True vocation joins self and service, as Frederick Bucechner asserts when he defines vocation as “the place where your deep gladness meets the world’s deep need.”

Sermon: Humanists and Spiritual Practices

As I was beginning to work on this sermon, I did something I often do, which is post on Facebook people’s ideas for Humanist Spiritual Practices.  One of the best responses I received came in the form of questions. The first question I got was what is humanism.  I realized that we often talk about humanism but we don’t often define it. 

So what exactly do we mean by humanism.  Humanism emerged in the early twentieth century.  The intention was to reformulate religion.  In the first Humanist Manifesto published in 1933, they write “The time has come for widespread recognition of the radical changes in religious beliefs throughout the modern world. The time is past for mere revision of traditional attitudes. Science and economic change have disrupted the old beliefs. Religions the world over are under the necessity of coming to terms with new conditions created by a vastly increased knowledge and experience. In every field of human activity, the vital movement is now in the direction of a candid and explicit humanism. In order that religious humanism may be better understood we, the undersigned, desire to make certain affirmations which we believe the facts of our contemporary life demonstrate.”  They will go on to list fifteen affirmations about the nature of religious humanism and the value for human life. While they leave open the possibility of future discovery of the supernatural, they affirm trust in science and reason as the foundation of human flourishing.  

At its heart humanism affirms the goodness of humanity and the goodness of life.  Here is the final affirmation: We assert that humanism will: (a) affirm life rather than deny it; (b) seek to elicit the possibilities of life, not flee from them; and (c) endeavor to establish the conditions of a satisfactory life for all, not merely for the few. By this positive morale and intention humanism will be guided, and from this perspective and alignment the techniques and efforts of humanism will flow. So when we talk about spiritual practices for humanists, it would be those practices that affirm the goodness of human life; that connect a person with their authentic self – the self that longs to be the best human possible.  When we talk about a spiritual practice, we are talking about an activity – a practice that one engages in on a regular basis for the purpose of recognizing that we are not just ourselves, to explore beyond the realm of ego to connect with deepest held values, beauty, truth, connection with others and the earth.  It must be done regularly as just like exercise for the body and books for the brain, nurturing the spirit requires regular and sustained attention.

In our story this morning, the woodcarver engages in practices that allow him to set aside all ego and all concern or anticipation of success or failure. It is only then that his art can emerge from the deepest place within himself.  It was that deepest part of himself connecting with the beauty of the wood that created the bell stand.  It was only by letting go of ego, that the wood carver could create the beautiful bell stand that others saw as so beautiful it must have been created by spirits. The story demonstrates that when an artist connects with their deepest self, beauty can emerge but first the artist had to connect with that deepest truest sense of self.

  

As human beings we often spend much of our lives not being ourselves, we search long and hard to discover who we truly are and meant to be.  In the words of May Sarton “Now I become myself, It’s taken time, many years and places, I have been dissolved and shaken, worn other people’s faces…” So those practices that connect us with our own nature, with our gifts and limitations, are the spiritual practices that will connect with us our deepest selves.

Parker Palmer focuses much of his writing on becoming one’s authentic self. In this particular book, Parker shows that it is through discovering one’s true nature that one discovers their work in the world.  Parker in fact argues that not doing the work to discover one’s true self can do great damage to oneself and to others. We serve both ourselves and others best when we do so from a grounded knowledge of ourselves and our true nature. Then we can serve our highest values and meet the world’s great needs.  So what practices might best support this quest to become one’s authentic self? 

For some that might be walking on the beach and connecting with the beauty of nature, quieting the mind and allowing ourselves to connect in the moment. For some it might be sitting in silence, quieting the incessant to do lists, self-criticism and the other noise in our minds.  In getting quiet we can go deep within, listening for that inner voice, that authentic voice.

  

Most spiritual practices can be done with an intention that does not include belief in God.  So Yoga, meditation, reading and journaling are all practices that can connect an individual with the deepest parts of themselves as well as engagement with the world.

One of the affirmations of the manifesto is the flourishing of all of human life.  Humanism is not just concerned with the betterment of the individual but the betterment of all of humanity.  This concern is not driven by guilt or fear of punishment but rather a concern for humanity as a whole.  Humanism affirms cooperative effort for the betterment of all humanity.  So spiritual practice can include working for social justice causes; such as volunteering in the community, voter education, marches, participating in advocating for a better society.

Humanism affirms joy in human life, in the here and now.  Its focus is on the best of what life has to offer now – not waiting for an uncertain and unknowable after life.  It also does not limit that joy to a selfish quest for self-fulfillment but rather a better world for everyone.  The original manifesto affirmed that all institutions were to support human life.

  

So what is it that connects you with your deepest self?  Where do you find the places that allow you to get quiet and hear your own deepest self?  How do you bring your own authentic self to serving the world; to the flourishing of all of humanity? Is participation in this community of UUCOB one of your spiritual practices? Does it foster a connection with your deepest self as well as giving you ways to serve others?

At its best this community fosters connections between people but also within ourselves.  In coming together with others to listen and to sing, to hear a message, our minds and hearts are stretched.  Both Palmer and the Woodcarver story remind us that we must let go of our ego, let go of that false self in order to live authentically and with integrity.  Faith communities at our best help us to let go of ego. Faith communities also give us opportunities to serve others, to use our gifts in the service of others. They also give us opportunities to stretch and learn new skills.  Humanism was not a rejection of religion but rather a reimagining of religion as an institution that cultivates human flourishing. Spiritual practices for humanists are those practices, those disciplines that connect individuals with their deepest selves, with their true nature.  They also connect us to how our true selves, our true natures can serve the world.

It is in becoming our truest selves that we also connect with our deepest spiritual selves in whatever ways we understand the spiritual and spirituality.  So regardless of our beliefs, humanism teaches all of us that our best spiritual selves are also our best human selves.  Our early Unitarian ancestors, like William Ellery Channing and Theodore Parker affirmed that humanity is made in the image and likeness of God so in becoming our best selves we become the embodiment of our highest beliefs about the holy.  Humanism reminds all of us that it is only through our own experience, limited as it may be, to experience life and the fullness of it.  Humanism reminds us that the only life we can truly know is the one we have right here and now.  

Reflection on Another New Year

So I finally have a day to just stop!  I am not working either job today.  Right now at this moment, I am alone in the house with the cats enjoying the silence.  I have not had much time to do this lately. Working two jobs is not easy. I am very grateful to have work after not having had it for a long while. I am grateful that right now the two are working together pretty well.  Yet working this much does not leave a great deal of time for silence or reflection.

I am grateful today for sleeping in, a late yummy brunch and this precious time alone in the silence.  I am looking forward to cooking dinner for my family and then an evening of television.  I am spending some time thinking about what I hope 2015 will bring for me and my family.

First I am hoping to find one full-time job with benefits that really fits my skills and abilities! I would love to be working for a university or college doing interfaith work or service learning.  I would love to work in the field of interfaith dialogue and cooperation.  I want to use my teaching, facilitation and writing skills. I love working with people and I would love to be part of an organization again. I want to be part of a team.  Want to help and want to know more about my experience - check out my portfolio page and my resume.

Secondly while the Outer Banks is beautiful, I long to be back in a city.  Our whole family loves Richmond, VA and that is our first choice.  It would give us a historic, capital city to live in that holds a wonderful art museum, amazing historical sites to explore and a science museum. I am sure there is even more to discover and explore.  Plus great places to eat and it is affordable to live there.

For my family I want Donna to get the health care she needs including medicines and health care providers that listen to her and pay attention.  I want her to be able to have more good days, more time to focus on homeschooling, spiritual direction and her own writing.  For Mollie I want her to have as many opportunities as possible for learning and exploration. She wants to intern and babysit more. She also wants to play volleyball and continue horseback riding.  I want her to know that we are settled and not going anywhere so she can put down roots even as she explores this big world.

I am holding onto hope that this year will be a good one, with opportunity and transition. I know it all won't be easy - after all we will have to move again!  Yet we are starting the year with hope, two new fun four-pawed family members and the fact that I am working.  I worked on New Year's Day this year and I hope that is an omen of good things to come!

What are you hoping for in this new year of 2015?

Waiting in the Dark

I preached this sermon on Sunday December 28, 2014 at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of the Outer Banks.

Texts:
Story for All Ages:  If You Are Afraid of the Dark, Remember the Night Rainbow by Cooper Edens
Reading:  excerpt from Henri Nouwen's Bread for the Journey, Jan. 8 reflection
"Often we want to be able to see into the future. We say, "How will next year be for me? Where will I be five or ten years from now?" There are no answers to these questions. Mostly we have just enough light to see the next step: what we have to do in the coming hour or the following day. The art of living is to enjoy what we can see and not complain about what remains in the dark. When we are able to take the next step with the trust that we will have enough light for the step that follows, we can walk through life with joy and be surprised at how far we go. Let's rejoice in the little light we carry and not ask for the great beam that would take all shadows away."

Sermon:  Waiting in the Dark

When I was a child I was afraid of the dark.  I always slept with a night light and I remember being nervous the night of my first confession because the box was dark and I was worried about being in the dark. Confession boxes when I was young were small dark rooms with a kneeler in front of screen. When it was your turn, you went into the room and knelt down, waited for the screen to open. As I looked around in the church the night of my first Confession, I realized there was about an inch between the floor and the door that would let in just enough light and I would be ok. I was ok.  About a year or two later, the confession boxes were renovated.  They installed lights and gave an option to sit down face to face with priest.  How many of us go through times of being afraid of the dark?  How many of us go through times of our lives that are dark and often scary?

The dark can be a scary place.  Things do not look the same in the dark. It is hard to walk because we can’t see all the things we could run into.  If it is both dark and quiet, we hear all the sounds that are normally drowned out.  The shadows and the sounds, can make the dark a very scary place indeed.

Yet it is in the dark that each of us begins.  Life begins in the dark – whether the seeds of plants or an egg. All life begins by waiting, growing and changing in the dark until it is ready to come into the light.  Life requires both darkness and light – it cannot flourish just in the light.

We also have times in our life when we need the darkness, we need that time of rest, renewal and to experience re-birth.  One of my favorite poems is Sweet Darkness by David Whyte. It begins, “When your eyes are tired the world is tired also. When your vision has gone no part of the world can find you. Time to go into the dark where the night has eyes to recognize its own.”  In the poem the darkness is a place of healing, of renewal.

In our reading from Henri Nouwen we are cautioned against planning too far ahead, of being so busy planning our lives that we cease to live them.  Nowen reminds us that we only need enough light to take the next step, to trust that there will be enough to take the next one, and that we will continue to get just the light we need to move forward.  In this he says we will be free to live in joy and surprise with less anxiety about what is coming next.  For Nowen we let go of our fear of the dark, our anxiety about what we don’t know or can’t see and then we are free to live fully in the present.

I confess that I do not do this very well.  I want to know where I am going. I want there to be a plan. I want to make a choice and stick with it.  For those of you who are Myers-Briggs knowledgeable yes I am a J meaning I like plans and closure.  I like structure.  All of this is in stark contrast to be at peace with the dark and letting myself just live fully into the present.  Yet I know there is great truth in Nouwen’s words.  We can’t have a five or ten year plan for our lives because we, as frightening as this is, do not have control of all the events.  We are not single entities, we are connected beings to one another, to other life, to the planet.  So much of our current politics and culture try to convince us that we just need the perfect plan, or the perfect item, or course, or book or workshop and then we will be in control, able to live the life of our dreams.  Our culture tries to convince us that we can make it on our own, that actually to need others or assistance makes one weak. Yet what if our dreams are too small?  What if there is so much more than we can imagine? What if the real truth is that we are stronger and can do so much more when we work together, help each other out and recognize the ways we are connected?

That is where sitting in the dark, being still may bring forth a bigger dream than we could do with all our planning.  Sitting in the dark may allow us to leave room for Spirit, for inspiration, for our authentic selves to come out of hiding and show us something that the light could not.  Parker Palmer when talking about the authentic self, the soul, describes it as shy. Our authentic self after having been pushed aside for so long, cannot be chased out. One must wait, one must prove oneself trustworthy, and then the authentic self, which has so long waited, will show itself.  Darkness allows for that. It slows us down.  There is a natural silence and quiet that comes with the dark.  It invites forth what has been hidden.

Yet too often we run. We run from our authentic selves, from our dreams, from being quiet or still for too long.  It can be a frightening thing. What might we find there, in the dark, in the quiet?  Yet our story today offers fanciful remedies.  If you are afraid of the dark, remember the night rainbow. A night rainbow – what a wonderful image – just sit with that for a  moment. What does a night rainbow look like? If night falls, use stars for streetlights.  The writer invites us to imagine new possibilities if our worst fears were to happen.  If you lose the keys throw away the house.  If the moon gets stuck in a tree, fill the hole in the sky with a strawberry. If there is no happy ending, make one out of cookie dough.

Is the dark calling to you? Is it time to spend some time in the dark, listening to the silence, watching the shadows?  Are you needing a time of rest, lying fallow until what is next is ready?  What is waiting to born in you? What seeds are you planting?  Are the seeds just beginning their long journey to becoming a plant or a flower or a wonderful fruit or vegetable?  Are the seeds you planted almost ready to burst the surface and into the light?  What is it you are waiting for in this season of darkness?

I invite each of you as 2014 comes to an end, as the season of winter and darkness is just beginning to take the time to sit in the darkness.  I invite you to wait in the dark and discover what is there waiting for you. Maybe it is a dream long delayed or one that you could have never imagined.  Maybe it will be a time of rest and renewal; a time to simply step back from the busyness and brightness of the days, to discover the quiet and rest of the dark.

May you trust that you will have enough light to take the next step.  Blessed Be!

Christmas Eve Reflection

This is the reflection I offered at the Christmas Eve Candlelight Service on December 24, 2014 at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of the Outer Banks.

Texts:
Poem The Longest Night by Jan Richardson
Reading: Matthew 1:1-25
Reading: Luke 2:1-7

A Christmas Eve Reflection

Happy last day of Hanukkah, which ended just before 5 pm today and Merry Christmas Eve!

As we gather tonight, we take part in something human beings have been doing for thousands of years – listening to ancient stories that tell us something of importance about our people, we have lit candles, and we have sung to mark these historical, spiritual events and then the turning of the year.

We are story-telling people – we have the gift to hear, tell and remember stories, transforming them over the years so that we continue to find meaning in them hundreds and thousands of years after the actual events.

Maybe it is the tradition in your families to tell and to hear the story of the birth on birthdays.  I know my mother told my story to me every year.  So tonight we hear two stories about the birth of Jesus.

From Matthew we hear about Jesus’ lineage, his genealogy.  In the Hebrew Scriptures there are numerous genealogies and they are a way that time was marked, leaders were placed within their particular time and place.  For Matthew’s community which was a predominately Jewish community who followed the teachings of Jesus, it was critical that Jesus be placed in the line of King David. Matthew uses the ancient tool of genealogy to link Jesus to Joseph and Joseph all the way back. Matthew has the holy family traveling after the birth to flee Herod.  Matthew uses dreams to let oseph know it is ok – like Jacob’s dream and Abraham’s dream.

Luke, on the other hand, has a slightly different tale to tell.  Luke’s community is more of a mix of Jews and Gentiles.  He needs to tie Jesus’ birth to King David and prophesies about Nazareth.  Yet Luke also wants Jesus’ birth to be about a gift for the Gentiles too – so it is Luke that we have the Roman Census and the message to the shepherds in a field.  Mary and Joseph travel before the birth, seeking a place to stay and finding none stay in a stable. Jesus did not come for the rich and the powerful, but the poor and the outcast.

One child, one great teacher and two different stories; neither Matthew or Luke was concerned about the actual events of the birth of Jesus – they had another purpose.  Their purpose was to tell their communities something about this teacher who had come and changed their lives. Whose message of love, of justice, of inclusivity, of loving God and loving your neighbor had transformed them and has the potential to transform the world.  Each told the story of what a blessing, like in our opening poem, came into the world.

Each child, each of us, comes into this world and each is holy, each is made in the image and likeness of the divine, each has inherent worth and dignity.  Our Unitarian Universalist faith affirms over and over again the sacredness of each person.  This comes deeply from the Jewish faith, which values life over law – if a law is broken such as working on the Sabbath in order to save a life it is not a breaking of the law.  It comes also from the Christian faith which affirms that God’s love is for all and Jesus’ message was not just for the world.

Tonight we remember that each night a child is born is a holy night including the night of our own births. Each child, each person is a blessing!  I think it is too easy as we move through life to forget that each of us is a child of the holy, that each of us is made in the image and likeness of God. I look out at your faces and in each of them I see the holy; I see a gift for the world.   So tonight when you are home, maybe when you are getting ready for bed, take a moment, look at your face in the mirror. See that face as a loving parent would see your face, look into that face as you have looked into your own children’s faces.  Remember, remember on this night where we celebrate birth and re-birth, renewal, peace that you too are precious, valuable, a miracle.  Regardless of your own birth story  - you are a child of life, a part of the great on-going story and history of this world.  You are a blessing, a blessing the world has been waiting for.

As you look around you during this holiday, look into the eyes of those you have gathered with – friends, parents, children, spouses, partners, cousins, aunts and uncles and see in their faces that divine spark, that spirit of life and love.  Jesus says Love one another as I have loved you”  Love one another!  Love abundantly, love generously, love with your eyes and arms wide open.

Then take that love into a world that needs it, that needs our healing, our help.  We are not here just for ourselves but to do our part to uncover and create more paradise and less suffering, more heaven and less hell. A world that is waiting, holding its breath, clutching its hands, has darkness around its heart – a world that needs each of us to be the one to guide this world and its people through the dark, that knows the roads, the resting places and that we need each other to make the journey, to receive the blessing, to make it through that longest night.

As we leave this place, let us remember where we came from, the stories of our ancestors and our birth. Remember that each child is holy even you and I. Share your love with both those in your family and community but also with the world. Be reminded that the birth of one teacher over 2,000 years ago still carries meaning in our world today … would it not be a real miracle if we each lived as though we too would impact the world 2,000 years from now?

I wish each of you a very Merry Christmas 

and a very Happy New Year!

Importance of Gifts - revisited

For today's Throwback Thursday Post I have chosen the Importance of Gifts.  In this season of gift-giving I want to remind us of the beauty and gratification of the giving and receiving of gifts.  Let us not in our critique of consumerism, denigrate the practice of finding that perfect gift for the ones we love.  Let us also remember that it is not just children who appreciate and find great joy in receiving gifts -- so don't forget the adults!

Importance of Gifts, December 2013

I want you to think of a gift that you have received. This gift should be a material item that someone picked out and purchased for you.  It could have been to mark a birthday or other holiday.  Not an engagement ring - that is different.  This is a gift, you know, with wrapping and everything.  Make it one of the best gifts you have ever received.  Were you a child?  Youth?  Adult?  Who gave it to you?  Why is this gift one of the best you have ever received?

Don't worry I'll still be here once you have that gift in mind.

Okay, now hold onto that feeling and that gift as you read the rest of this.  My spouse, Donna, is one of the best gift-givers I know.  She just has this way of really listening and paying attention to what people around her would like.  Over our nineteen years together she has given me a number of amazing gifts. Some have been practical, like the perfect sweater.  Some have been utterly frivolous like a dozen flowers or earrings that she knew I really wanted.  She buys me the best earrings...not too heavy, perfect colors, just what I like.

This is a tremendous gift and one unfortunately that I don't possess in nearly the quantity I wish I did.  I have had some outstanding moments like when I found the Beatles Rock Band guitar at a price we could afford or the fountain pen I bought her at a time when we had more income. 

This time of year, maybe more than any other, shopping and gifts are all around us whether or not we are Christian and whether or not we celebrate Christmas.  Sometimes even those choose not to celebrate are forced into compulsory gift giving - like at their child's school or the office. I think this is why so many hate the emphasis on shopping and buying this season. For some, gift giving is no longer a freely given expression from the heart but rather an expectation. 

There is another phenomenon I have come up against in the last few years particularly in Unitarian Universalist and other progressive circles. It is this disdain of gift giving.  I have sat in a room with people that have said "well we are not exchanging gifts this year and I am so glad.  There is nothing we need."  They say this oblivious to the obvious privilege that statement expresses.  There is nothing I need.  In a world filled with people, most of whom are hidden from sight, that live with less than what they need every day it is only from a place of enormous privilege that one can say "there is nothing I need."  Even worse than that though is this disdain of gift giving or only wanting hand made gifts. What does that say to those who don't have everything they need?  Maybe Christmas is that one time of year when extravagance is permitted.  What about those who do not have the time or inclination for home-made gifts?

I love gifts.  Some of my fondest Christmas season memories are going to the shopping mall with my parents and buying gifts. I loved thinking about the perfect gift for a person. I loved being in the mall, with the people, with all the decorations, the Christmas music. In my family, children always created lists and letters to Santa. I loved this annual ritual.  Well into our teens and even today my family will ask for lists for Christmas.  It is that desire to give the perfect gift. Maybe because my family did do lists and everyone created one, I am not as a creative as my wife in thinking about gifts. In my family, you asked for what you wanted, you didn't always get it, but it was the time of year to ask.

So when I hear this disdainful attitude, this superiority about not shopping, avoiding malls like the plague, it makes me sad and angry.  It seems to me that because they cannot see the joy or the value then it must not have any. In an effort to point out the problems with consumption, we seem disgusted with those who head to the mall during the Christmas holiday or disdain shopping at Walmart and don't understand why anyone would shop there.  It is an attitude that can make Unitarian Universalism not very hospitable place for those not of a certain income and wealth level. We seem to miss that some people only get that little extravagance or that bigger needed item at Christmas and we forget that it may be more expensive to shop at stores more closely aligned to our values ... certainly we should decry consumerism and fight for better practices by retailers but perhaps we need to stop blaming all of those who have to make choices different than our own.

This translates more generally in overall attitudes toward the poor.  We judge their poor choices.  This powerful article  (it is long but worth reading the whole thing) on the story of one homeless teen and her family in New York brings home some of the choices.  This girl doesn't want the moon, she doesn't even dream of big expensive gifts.  Her world is small. She lives in one of the busiest and biggest cities in the world and yet her world exists of the deplorable shelter her family lives in and school. Everything else is possibly dangerous or a place where her status as a "shelter kid" will be discovered.  In her family, getting the monthly check means being treated to ice cream.  Maybe we could all say that there were better uses for that money but who are we to judge. It was a rare treat in a world where the money goes to necessities and often isn't enough to meet those.

One of the labor songs in the Unitarian Universalist hymnal, Singing the Living Tradition, is "As We Come Marching, Marching."  I first sang this song, which I knew as Bread and Roses, at a monthly feminist ritual at WATER, Women's Alliance for Theology, Ethics and Ritual.  The hymn speaks of the need not just for bread, for necessities, but for beauty.  We all need beauty. We want things that are not just practical but beautiful as well.  Isn't that part of the genius of Steve Jobs?  He not only created something practical and amazing that would change the way we work, the way we think about communication, the way we play and the way we connect with one another, he didn't forget it also needed to be beautiful.  At the end of each verse of this song are the lines: "Bread and roses, bread and roses!", too often we think those with less should only want bread and be grateful for whatever casts off they receive and that they should forget about the roses, in fact, sometimes we don't even think they 'deserve' the roses.

As my family and I have struggled financially, this time of year has become difficult and challenging,  Not having money sets you apart.  Your world becomes smaller because after all having lunch with friends or even coffee may represent money you don't have.  Social interactions become challenging out of the fear, that money will be involved.  Also struggling financially comes with shame.  As I wrote before, shame and fear are poor teachers.  Ironically, just when you need all your strength and all your self worth, the shame that can accompany financial struggle sucks it away.  It takes tremendous energy to resist believing the shame, to resist the lies that your self-worth is tied to your credit score or the number in your bank account.

At this time of year, I ache for the joy I found in shopping at the mall, looking for just that perfect item for someone I love.  I love watching my daughter's face on Christmas morning when she opens that perfect gift that she was really hoping for.  For gift giving is not just a gift to the receiver, but rather when we give out of love, it makes us feel amazing. 

So I invite you this season that if you are one of those disdainful of the shopping mall and the gift giving, recognize that for some that represents joy and tradition.  Go ahead and buy your gifts free-trade, or make them or shop small, local businesses that give part of their profits to an environmental cause.  Please watch your judgement of those who shop at Walmart or one of the other big commercial stores.  Maybe that is all they can afford or maybe they work there.  Re-discover the joy in giving something utterly frivolous and extravagant!  If you go for practical, make sure it is beautiful too!  People need both! Our souls thirst for it.

I have always loved the memes that suggest that if the three wise persons had been women, they would have brought food and practical gifts.  Yet as I reflect more deeply on it, there is a beauty and meaning in the gifts that are totally impractical (well, okay, I am sure the gold was helpful!).  They were aromatic and exotic. The gifts were an extravagance, unsuited to the humble child of a carpenter but a reminder that even a child born in a barn should be celebrated.

Now are you still thinking about that gift? Was it practical?  Was it beautiful?  How do you feel when you think about it?  That is what gift giving is about.  It is about showing our love in concrete ways. 

So I invite to give and receive extravagantly this year!  Enjoy the process of choosing that perfect gift!  If you too are struggling financially this season, remember fear and shame are poor teachers and masters!  My hope is that others will gift you with "bread and roses" and that you can receive deeply without feeling obligation in return. For those of you who do 'have all that you need,' remember to be gracious and joyful in your receiving ... whether it be a baked good or the perfect earring or a box of candy from Walmart ... try looking for the beauty in it if even only in the giver's twinkling eyes. May we all let people give to us, opening ourselves to receive the gift. May we all know the joy of giving "bread and roses."

Let's reclaim the joy of gift giving and receiving!  

Wishing you a joy filled, abundant holiday season!